Judge, 1912-11-23 · page 12 of 24
Judge — November 23, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor: **"The Wrong Location"** jokes about a Baltimore judge installing mirrors so drunk defendants see themselves as others do. The satire suggests mirrors belong in saloons instead—implying alcohol consumption, not justice, is the real problem. **"A Full Description"** mocks academic pretension. A mathematics professor uses overly complex geometric language (ellipse, parabola, perpendicular, major axis) to describe his umbrella to a Black porter, who responds with resigned agreement. The joke satirizes how academics overcomplicate simple matters through jargon. **Other brief jokes** mock newspapers, bank notes, country-house pretension, and boarding-house food quality. The page reflects Judge's characteristic early-20th-century style: brief witticisms targeting social types (academics, the wealthy, newspapers) and urban life. The racial caricature in "A Full Description" reflects period prejudices common to such magazines, though the satire's target is the professor's pedantry, not the porter.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
better your party would have handled things if it had been victorious, without having to prove it. VII. If you are suffering from mumps on both sides as Thanksgiving Day approaches and don't feel like giv- ing thanks for that, it is nevertheless a point to be glad of that, having only two sides to your face, there is not still a third to suffer the ravages of that disorder. VIII. If your favorite bonds have defaulted on their November coupons and you are in no mood for thanks- giving therefor, bear in mind and be thankful that your thumb and coupon scissors are spared the ordeal of hav- ing to clip them off, and rejoice in the opportunity thus afforded you in your busy days for trimming the edges of your cuffs. By order of the President. Horace Dopp Gastit, Secretary. The Wrong Location. Wiseman—‘‘I see that a Baltimore police justice has arranged mirrors in his courtroom so that drunken per- sons may see themselves as others see them."’ Tronicus—‘‘ Well, he may have done that to justify the sentences imposed. But it reminds me of the barndoor-and- horse fable. They should put more mir- rors in saloons.’” Of Course. “What makes a bank note so attrac- tive?’’ “Its figure, proba- bly.”” Its Function. Jimson—‘‘ What, in your opinion, is the true function of the modern newspaper?’’ Jonson—‘* To dis- tract attention from what in current liter- ature are called the ‘best sellers.’’’ for them to do so,’’ AT THE NEW COUNTRY HOME. Visitor—"‘ And do they lay every day?" Mrs, Neugold— They could, of course; but in our position it is not necessary A Full Description. Ata recent function of noted and learned men the umbrellas of the guests got mixed. The darky porter was having considerable trouble in finding the umbrella that belonged to the professor in mathematics in a leading university. Selecting one umbrella out of the armful that the porter had submitted to him, the professor said, “‘Now, that is like my umbrella, though the cross section of the handle of my umbrella is more of an ellipse than a parabola; its extreme end points toward the perpendicular, and forms a section of the major axis.’ “Ya-as, sah,’’ replied the porter. can find it fo’ yo’, sah.’’ “Ah'll see ef Ah Gratuitous. A youngster, objecting to being scolded by his teacher, was told by the latter that she was paid to scold him. ‘‘That’s funny!’’ the boy remarked. ‘‘Ma and pa lick me twice as much as you and get nothing for it.’’ Miniatures. De Style—* Does your boarding mis- tress cook her meals in a paper bag?"’ Gunbusta—' ‘ Ac cording to the por- tions served, she must cook them in an envelope.’’ Not at Home. “And are you sure she is not in?”’ He asked, unsatis- fied. “T have her word for it,’’ was all The little maid re- plied. comicbooks.com