Judge — November 16, 1912 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FOOTBALL—ARMY VS. NAVY The “Oh SUCH a time as I had get- ting here!’’ puffed the chair- woman of the board of directresses of the suffragette horse show, as she rushed in thirty minutes late. ‘‘My maid was ill, the cook and parlor maid were out, and I had to phone for a messenger girl to hook me up!”’ The apology was received in cold silence by all except Mrs. Kindert, who exclaimed, *‘Horrid!”’ “The first step in putting the horse show upon the proper basis is to abolish the horse,’’ said the chair- woman, getting down to business at once. (Who said that a woman couldn’t do that?) ‘While for years it has been recognized that nobody went to a horse show to see the horses, the silly brutes continued to get the cups, purses and ribbons. Why?’’ The chairwoman was grow- ing indignant, when she remem- bered that anger made her skin look splotchy. ‘‘Because men owned the horses and men ran the show. We could but submit to the cruel injustice. Now’’—her voice rang out triumphantly —‘‘we'll put on the reverse. We spend thousands of dollars for gowns’’—— “Doesn’t look it, does she?”’ whispered Mrs, Fith Avnoo to her neighbor. ‘‘That suit cost about $14.98.’’ “‘—Hats and jewels; what do we get out of it? “‘Press notices,’’ piped a directress from the rear of the room. and Suffragette By TERRELL LOVE HOLLIDAY. “And that’s all,’’ said the chair- woman indignantly. “‘But they are meat and drink to some people I could name,’’ mur- mured Mrs. Fith Avnoo. “The chair will now entertain mo- tions in regard to classes for ladies, to take the place of the equine events which we have abolished.’’ “I move that in lieu of high-school horses ridden by owner,”’ offered Mrs. Kindert, who had two pretty young daughters and none too much money, “‘we have a class of college fillies, style, conformation and action alone to count.’” “That's ridiculous!’’ cried Mrs. Fith Avnoo hotly. She hada homely daughter and ducats by the barrel. “Appointments ought to count sev- enty-five per cent. What would a girl be without clothes?’’ “A living picture!'’ ‘A sight!’ “A drawing card!’’ chorused the directresses. _ The fneedt heaps be ur onan on SS HIS NERVE. the made some tat, all on summer's day. the nerve to way, ‘The kind my mother used to make were twice as they. Horse Show. The chairwoman gave up trying to get asecond. Neither Mrs. Kindert nor Mrs. Fith Avnoo would stop talking. “I move,’’ said Mrs. de Puyster, “that we have a ring of unicorn filly teams. Must be full sisters.’’ “Impossible !’’ exclaimed Mrs. Gilt- more. ‘‘If any woman nowadays has three daughters, at least one is by a different father.’’ The directresses agreed unani- mously with Mrs. Giltmore. Mrs. de Puyster, though she could not name any teams eligible for this class, insisted that there were some somewhere and refused to withdraw the motion, withdrawing herself instead when it was tabled. “I move that for polo ponies we substitute ballet ponies,’’ said Mrs. Bronstunfrunt. ‘‘Same to be shown in costume and judgei upon face, figure, voice and gaits—figure to count fifty per cent.’’ “I'll vote for that,’? de- clared Mrs. Giltmore, ‘‘pro- vided barefoot dance costumes are barred. I’m not prudish myself, but, goodness knows! the men have temptations enough already.’” ‘What shall we have to cor- respond to the heavy harness class?’’ asked the chairwom- an, when suggestions lagged. ‘*Aged matrons in full jew- els,’"” was Mrs. Bronstun- frunt’s ready reply. ‘‘Weight and appointments to count equally.’” comicbooks.com