Judge, 1912-11-02 · page 8 of 24
Judge — November 2, 1912 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces satirizing different targets. **Top illustration & poem ("The Baby"):** A sentimental domestic scene celebrating infancy, contrasting with the cynical story below—likely satirizing Victorian sentimentality about children. **Main story ("The Real Thing"):** A political allegory mocking corrupt "Practical Politicians." The protagonist enters Hell seeking "back rooms" (spaces for backroom political dealing and corruption). He discovers an infinite regression of identical back rooms—a clever metaphor suggesting that corruption and political scheming are endless and inescapable, even in the afterlife. The final joke about heaven's doors reveals the satirical point: politicians are so devoted to backroom dealings that they've forgotten legitimate ("front") entrances entirely. The "Old Nick" (the Devil) cannot keep his "job" because there's always another corrupt politician ready to replace him. This mocks late-19th-century American machine politics and moral hypocrisy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Life's stages men and women change, from youth to sere and yellow ; Some harsh become, with habits strange—some still are sweet and mellow. The HE Practical Politician had been ad- mitted to the nether regions with- out question. As he entered the partic- ular department to which he had been directed, he lowered the brim of his hat a trifle, tilted his cigar at a more ag- gressive angle, and inquired after a few of his friends. The imp on guard at the gate an- swered shortly, ‘‘In the back room.”’ The Practical Politician passed through the door indicated and saw be- fore him a long, dim room, so furnished that it served as an exact reproduction of the famous back room at ‘‘Hooley’s Place.’* There was a closed door at the far end. As soon as the Practical Politician satisfied himself that the place was uninhabited, he made for the distant door, congratulating himself that at last he had found a back room behind a back room. As he opened the second door, he dis- covered another room exactly like the THE BABY. Real By CHARLES C. JONES. first, even to the door at the far end. At the thought of a back room back of the back room behind a back room, he was thrice happy, and he rubbed his hands in approbation as he softly opened But life’s first marvel, Babyhood, all other ages captures ; This wonder changes every mood, and every age enraptures. Thing. “Fine place, after all!"’ he muttered. ‘We'll see if Old Nick can hold his job forever. I don’t know but what I might find a man to run against him.’’ The Practical Politician went on into the new room and saw that it resembled the others in every detail. He in- creased his pace and passed through door after door. A thousand years later he came back to the imp at the gate and whispered, behind his hand, “Say, I couldn’t make it in the front way, an’ I want to find my friends, y’ know. Ain’t there no back door?”’ The imp grinned openly. ‘‘Sure there is,’ he replied; ‘‘lots of ‘em! But they all open into heaven.’’ Assisted. “I was so embarrassed that I didn’t know what to say to her.’’ “What did you do?’” “Her father helped me out.”” the new door. comicbooks.com