Judge — October 26, 1912 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stories With Smiles. “ oe’? on Utopians.—‘‘ Uncle payed seated on the piazza of a seaside hotel, condemned a certain im- * evident type of social reformer. . PrThey're great borrowers,’’ he said, “these chaps who are going to make the over again. “mith ‘a chuckle he added, , “The worst thing about your Utopians is that they’re all 1-O-U-toptans. Washington Post. Cruel Insinuation.—‘‘Innuendo is very efective in oratory,’’ said William ings Bryan. yea Rintleman once visited Tuckahoe. ‘Ashe sat on the hotel porch and fought the Tuckahoe mosquitoes, he said to an old residenter, “Have you a newspaper here?’ “The residenter, skilled in innuendo, answered, no! We have a ladies’ sewing circle.’ "—Exchange. More of the Same.—A young wife re- cently went into a grocer’s shop and ad- dressed the grocer thus: “T bought three or four hams here a month or so ago and they were fine. Have you any more of them?’’ “Yes, ma’am,’’ replied the grocer. “There are ten of those hams hanging up there now."’ “Well, if you're sure they're off the same pig, I'll take three of them,"’ re- plied the young wife meekly. Poser for the Doctor.—Dr. Lewis White Allen, the Denver physiologist, was giving an informal talk on physi- ology upon the windy, sea-fronting porch of an Atlantic City hotel. “Also,”’ he said, ‘tit has lately been found that the human body contains salpbar."” “Salphur!"’ exclaimed a girl ina blue and white blazer. ‘How much sulphur isthere, then, in a girl’s body?” “Ob,” said Dr. Allen, smiling, ‘‘the amount varies,’” “And is that,’’ asked the girl, ‘why some of us make so much better matches than others?'"’—St. Louis Globe-Demo- rat, “You take it from your Uncle Silas, the one best bet in a jimmy-pipe smoke is Prince Albert, the big noise in the Sc toppy cloth bag and 10c tidy red tin. fsgrant piece of corruption. “Get this—P. A. can't bite your tongue, because the sting’s cut out by a patented “It makes me think of Wash White,"’ process. No other tobacco can be so bully good as Prince Albert, the national joy smoke, be said, whether it’s jammed into a jimmy-pipe or rolled into a cigarette !'’ Wash White, you know, went to a ————————__—— — lawyer and said, “Look here, boss, I’ve got myself in yer. ‘And now, what’s your trouble— Enough for His Fee.—Senator Poin- dexter was talking about a particularly “I know a reporter who went to a troable, and I want you to defend me.’ ““All right,’ said the lawyer. ‘Have You got any money?’ “No, I ain't got no money,’ answered Wash White; ‘but I’ve got an imported lot gown, a pair of hand-painted silk Nockings, a choice set of French lingerie inda gold vanity box.’ ‘That'll do, I guess,’ said the law- fespoonfal of Abbott's Bitters with your Grape jes an ideal appetizing tonic. Sample of snail 35 et, in stamps. C, W. Abbott & what are you accused of?’ “*Robbin’ an Atlantic City bath- house,’ said Wash White.'’—Washing- ton Star. Just a Slight Mistake.—‘‘The report- er’s life is a happy one. When he suf- fers an indignity, the course of that in- dignity is usually beneath consideration, or else the insult is due to some mis- understanding.” The speaker was Albert J. Beveridge, himself a one-time reporter. He con- tinued: house the day after a wedding and said to the servant who answered his ring, ***Can you let me have some details, please, of yesterday's ceremony?’ “The servant frowned. “**No, I can’t,’ she said. ‘They ate every crumb! And I think you ought to be ashamed, an able-bodied young man like you, going around begging for cold details!’ ’’—St. Paul Dispatch. Late marriages don't draw out the agony so long.—N. Y. Press. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com