Judge, 1912-10-19 · page 15 of 24
Judge — October 19, 1912 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces mocking American society and politics circa early 1900s. **"Busyman"** ridicules a man obsessed with electoral politics and statistics who neglects his actual job, leaving his wife to do sewing while he pontificates about Jefferson and state voting power—he's all talk about democracy while his family suffers. **"The Love Cure"** and other brief quips are standard domestic humor about courtship and marriage troubles. **"Invidious Distinction"** jokes that Theodore Roosevelt can travel freely without needing a theatrical license (unlike circus performers), mocking the special privileges of the wealthy and powerful. **"Fewer Optic Accidents"** satirizes German bureaucratic regulation—even umbrella-carrying is legislated—yet suggests this produces better eyesight, a darkly absurdist comment on overregulation. **"Unequal"** depicts corruption where a politician tries trading a stock exchange seat for a police position, expecting additional compensation ("boot")—commentary on patronage and graft. The page reflects Progressive-era anxieties about political excess, martial discord, regulatory overreach, and machine politics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Busyman. H®s figured it out to a dot. ‘Th’ electoral college he quotes. All duties he’s shirking, Has no time for working, O’er lines of statistics he gloats. He reads and collates and compares, Refers to elaborate notes; His wife takes in sewing, To keep things a-going, While he's busy taking straw votes! He tells you of Jefferson's times (You mark his frayed linen, worn coats), How each State is rated Has nicely collated, Shows just what its standing denotes. He dwells on the powers of ‘the House’’ (His pockets lack nickels or groats), His children are toil- A BROKEN HEART. cons prepare to take up the collection, “have been in the habit of dropping but- tons into the plate. Might I suggest that, in view of a recent arrival at the parsonage, they substitute safety pins for the time being?"’ The Love Cure. “Her parents sent her to Europe in the hope that she would get over her in- fatuation for young Flubdub.’” “An easier way would be for them to let her marry him.” Doesn't Mind the Bumps. Sillicus—‘The way of the gressor is hard.’’ Cynicus—‘‘Oh, well, he can generally afford pneumatic tires."” trans- Invidious Distinction. ‘‘How does unequal taxation affect you?’’ “Just think,’’ replied the old circus man, “‘of Roosevelt's being permitted to travel all over the country without having to take out a theatrical license !’” Novel, but Unscientific. When airmen reach the Milky Way, The little stars will, flutter, And whether it be night or day, The friction should make butter. Fewer Optic Accidents. Wiseman—‘‘I see that in Germany there are laws which dictate how a citi- zen shall carry his umbrella and forbid women who wear long ing (Their youthtime it’s spoiling), But he’s busy straw votes! TE. A. Fanning taking Degrees. Crawford—“If you don’t believe in medi- cine, why don’t you try the faith cure?’’ Crabshaw—“My boy, I find that even harder to swallow.’” Varying It. “Er—er—some of the facetious gentlemen in the congregation,”’ says the minister, as the dea-" JOYS OF MARRIED LIF The prodigal brother-in-law makes a ‘' touch."” hatpins to enter railway trains."’ Cynicus—‘‘ Particular legislation, ladmit. But as a result you will find that the Germans pos- sess more and better eyes."’ Unequal. First politician— “So the deal fell through?”’ Second politician— “Yes; he was entirely too tight. He wanted to trade a seat on the stock exchange for one on the police force, and he wouldn’t give any- thing to boot."” comicbooks.com