Judge, 1912-10-19 · page 12 of 24
Judge — October 19, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces from Judge magazine: **"An Unprofessional Notion"** (top): A broker describes his health like stock market performance ("temperature slumped three points... rallied... above par"), conflating financial and medical language for comic effect. **"The Bilkinses and the Electoral College"** (main story): Mrs. Bilkins misunderstands what the Electoral College is, believing it's an actual educational institution like Yale or Harvard where presidents graduate. Her husband struggles to explain that it's a figurative process—not a physical place—where citizens send electors to vote for presidents. The satire mocks widespread public confusion about how the Electoral College actually functions, presenting Mrs. Bilkins's literal interpretation as absurd while implying the system itself is so obscure and abstract that her confusion is understandable. **"Quite the Same"** (bottom): A brief joke comparing modern literature to "nothing"—both equally devoid of plot, character, grammar, etc. The humor relies on exposing institutional misunderstandings and linguistic confusion among ordinary Americans.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN UNPROFESSIONAL NOTION. Dector—'‘ Well, how is the patient this morning ?”’ Broker—*‘ Fine, doc. ! My temperature slumped three points last night, but rallied this morning, and now is above par!"* The Bilkinses and the Electoral College. 6¢6QQ OBERT,” said Mrs. Bilkins over her newspaper, ‘I’m going to send little Bobbie to the Electoral Col- lege when he grows up.’"’ “But, my dear, ’’ ventured Mr. Bilkins, “the Electoral College isn’t an educa- tional institution like Yale and Harvard and all the rest of those places that figure so much in the sport pages. It hasn't a football team nor even a college yell.”” “That's right !'’ snapped Mrs. Bilkins. “Try to show me up as an ignoramus! I guess I know plain print when it’s right before my eyes. I've read a good deal about the Electoral College, and here's. a paragraph which says that every President of the United States has been a graduate therefrom. I guess any college that’s good enough to turn out so many Presidents is just the place for our Bobbie." “But the paragrapher was only jok- ing. The Electoral College is more a figure of speech than anything else. It By ARTHUR CHAPMAN, isn't one of those places that cost our multi-millionaires more than their steam yachts, It hasn’t any alma mater, nor any campus, nor any glee club, nor any IP QUITE THE SAME. Joe—"' What have you been reading lately 2” Chloe—"* Nothing.” Joe—" How do you like it ?"" Chloc—"* Very much. It's quite the same as reading one of our best sellers. There 's no plot, no character drawing, no fine writing, no gram- mar, punctuation, oF spelling."” esprit de corps, nor any of those regular college things.’’ “Then what is it?’ queried Mrs. Bil- kins icily. 2r—well, if you must know the ex- act truth, the Electoral College is—well, it’s the place where Presidents are made.'* “Well, isn’t that just what this para- graph says “I know, my dear; but not exactly in that sense. You see, the people send a bunch of men to this Electoral Col- le ‘*How can they send a bunch of men to a place that doesn’t exist?”’ “They send a bunch of men to the place where this college exists hypothet- ically and all that, you know,’ said Mr. Bilkins, beginning to perspire visibly. “But the men are not sent there to get an education. They've all had their education in the school of practical ex- perience before being sent there.’’ “Do you mean to tell me there’s any comicbooks.com