Judge, 1912-10-19 · page 10 of 24
Judge — October 19, 1912 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Squelching Him"** mocks the persistent "traveling man" (a stock character—a salesman/drifter) who attempts flirtation with a waitress. She preemptively shuts down every possible line he might use, listing her attributes, her respectability, and her protective brother (the cook) who recently beat up a similar man. The joke is her aggressive self-defense against predictable male advances. **"Stopped Short"** satirizes athlete-turned-celebrity culture: a baseball pitcher who won thirty games becomes famous writing stories and appearing in films, but immediately loses his pitching ability—suggesting that fame corrupts athletic performance. The remaining pieces mock journalism (predicting journalism schools won't actually produce journalists) and use dark humor about medical operations (distinguishing them by who pays the bill—patients for minor procedures, heirs for major ones). The top illustration shows a child reading aloud dramatic adventure fiction, with adults listening nearby.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PROBABLY NOT AS LOUD. Small boy (reading) —''‘ And as Captain Kidd stepped from behind the rock, there came the loud report of a pistol shot."" Squelching Him. THE dapper little traveling man looked at the menu card and then up at the pretty waitress. “Nice day, little one!’’ he began. “Yes, it is," she answered. ‘‘And so was yesterday, and my name is Ella, and I know I am a little peach and have pretty blue eyes, and I’ve been here quite a while, and I like the place, and I don’t think I’m too nice a girl to be working in a hotel—if I did I'd quit my job—and my wages are satisfactory, and I don’t know if there’s a dance or a show in town to-night, and if there is I shall not go with you, and I’m from the country, and I’m a respectable girl, and my brother is the cook in this hotel and weighs two hundred pounds, and last week he wiped up this dining-room floor with a fresh, fifty-dollar-a-month travel- ing man who tried to make a date with me. Now, what'll you have?’’ The dapper little traveling man said he guessed he wasn’t very hungry in this hot weather, and a glass of milk and some nice strawberries and cream would do. 0. NM. Frankfort. Stopped Short. First fan—‘'I see that Throwem, who pitched thirty consecutive winning games, has written a baseball story and is figuring in motion pictures."* Second fan—"‘Yep; but he hasn't won another game since.”’ “HE READ HIS ANSWER IN BER EYES.” Alas, Poor Venus! The Venus di Milo is perfect, I'm told, In pose—and a figure that charms; But if she has a heart, ‘tis marble—and cold, And how arms? could she hug—without Journalism. Young reporter—"These new colleges of journalism will turn out a great number of journalists, don’t you think?’” Old reporter—‘‘Sure thing!"" Young reporter—Some competition in the game, eh?"’ Old reporter—*Oh, I guess not!"* Young reporter—"‘Why?” Old reporter—' Well, we shall be just as shy of newspapermen as ever.”” Very Different. “Father, what is a minor operation?” “A minor operation, my boy, is one for which the patient cheerfully pays the bill.” “And a major operation?” “Oh, that’s one for which the bill is settled by the heirs.’” comicbooks.com