Judge, 1912-10-12 · page 13 of 28
Judge — October 12, 1912 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"On the Political Midway"** presents three pieces mocking progressive politics, likely from the 1912 election era when Theodore Roosevelt's "Bull Moose" Progressive Party split the Republican vote. The top photograph shows a carnival-like "midway" scene, satirizing progressive politics as cheap spectacle. **"How To Be a Progressive"** sarcastically lists reasons to join the movement: nursing grudges (lost nominations, how "Teddy felt in Chicago"), exaggerating one's moral superiority, and ignoring actual party contributions. It mocks progressives as self-righteous while dishonest. **"The Free Trade Tree"** diagram (planted by W.J. Bryan) shows interconnected progressive complaints: no work, low wages, soup houses, starvation, hard times, closed factories—blaming capitalism while offering free trade as solution. **"Heredity"** jokes that young Rodney learned exaggeration from his father, who inflates Roosevelt's popularity—implying progressives are fundamentally dishonest propagandists, not genuine reformers. The page attacks progressivism as moralistic posturing masking self-interest and factual dishonesty.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
How To Be a Progressive. NUMBER of possible ways are appended, enough for all: Remember the nomination you wanted and didn’t get; or, Remember Armageddon; body else does—but you can lovk it up; or, Remember the singing of the Doxology—at least once between Sundays; or, Remember how terribly hurt Teddy felt ir Chicago; or, Remember how little you have ever heretofore contributed to any party; or, Remember how terribly mean the President has treated you; or, Remember how useless the old parties have been; of course, it isn’t true, but it will help you in your wild leap toward the moral heights, the unassailable Gibral- tars, the most high palaces of Truth, whose King and Ace and Jack is none other than the great champion of all reform, all wise legislation, all certain progress for ever and ever, world without end. no- Reseoe Gelmere Stott ON THE POLITICAL MIDWAY THE FREE TRADE TREE, Heredity. “Pa,’? announced little Rodney Clugg, ‘‘I saw ten thousand dogs fighting, down back of the vinegar factory!’ “Tut, tut, my son!"’ chided his sire. ‘You know there are not ten thousand dogs in this whole county.’’ “Well, there were several doz- en of ’em, anyhow, all fighting like fury.’" “That is a little better, but tell the exact truth now. How many dogs were really there?” : “Ourn and another dog, pa.’” “Were they fighting?” “Well, sir, they—they acted like they were going to.’” “H'm! Now, where in the world did you learn to exaggerate so shamelessly, and’’—— “Why, pa, didn’t I hear you telling a man last night that the Roosevelt enthusiasm is steadily growing?” —Tom P. Morgan. Willis—“He is nominally a Bull Moose.” Jibes—'* What is he rationally?” comicbooks.com