Judge, 1912-10-05 · page 14 of 26
Judge — October 5, 1912 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page (date unclear from image) contains several satirical pieces reflecting early 20th-century American anxieties: **"Still Pretending"**: A boy playing with a toy automobile claims he's "out of gasoline," mocking how quickly automobiles became culturally dominant—children mimicked adult car ownership problems in play. **"A Modern Lullaby"**: Satirizes obsessive sanitization and medical anxiety. The poem parodies mothers who over-sterilize everything (pasteurized milk, analyzed food, disinfected clothes), treating childhood hygiene like a scientific protocol. The repetition mocks how germ-theory consciousness had become almost neurotic. **"Strong Combination"**: A brief joke implying that a man's ability to save money comes from inherited traits—his policeman father (corrupt, taking bribes) and chorus-girl mother (poor). The humor relies on stereotypes about these professions' dishonesty or financial instability. The remaining pieces are light verse about urban life, romance, and social climbing—typical magazine filler addressing Broadway culture and romantic disappointments.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
STILL P Mother—! Tommy automobile, I wish you get me some butter." >RETENDING. , if you 're pretending to be an 'd run over to the store and Tommy— I'm awfully sorry, mother, but I'm all out of gasoline,"’ A Modern Lullaby. ‘OUR milk is safely Pasteurized. Sleep, my little one! Your food has all been analyzed— Sleep, my pretty one! Icannot rock you, baby mine; It’s apt to jar your little spine. So you must lie composed, supine— By low! by low! I've boiled and germs— Sleep, my little one! I croon to you in doctors’ terms— Sleep, my pretty one! You're breathing antiseptic air, I've sterilized the c'othes you wear, And disinfected everywhere— By low! by low! baked all prowling No goblin germ can catch you, dear— Sleep, my little one! Bacilli dare not enter here— Sleep, my pretty one! You're prophylactic head to toe, Hedged in by every rule I know; So now to germless slumbers go— By low! by low! Ella Bentley Arthur, Strong Combination. Knicker—‘* How does Jones man- age to save so much out of his salary? Bocker—‘‘Inherited talent; his father was a policeman and his mother was a chorus girl."’ +hte Fe¢ U What They Were. Little Bessie had been gazing ear- nestly at the waxed mustaches of her father’s friend. Suddenly she re- marked, ‘Why, my kitty has smellers, too!'’ What Would Newspapers Do? If it were not for our mistakes, life would be pretty monotonous. Diana's Futility on Broadway. Diana, goddess of the moon, What chance have you to give your boon To Broadway, where the man-made light Outshines your glory every night? And how can heaven's stars compete With those on this skyscraping street? Oh, moon and sky and stars cast down! You get no worship in this town, And so must stay in fields apart, Away from powder, rouge and art. Charles Harding Divine Worse Than That. “You intimate that he robs Peter to pay Paul ‘Dear man, it’s worse than that! He robs Peter to pay Pau- lin The Climbers. Most of us try to win a name, Though doomed to wiser grow or sadder. Some try the dizzy heights of fame, While others storm the social ladder. Afterthoughts. A—‘‘The best retorts are never uttered.’" “No?” R- Si” ¢ A—'‘No; I think of 'em ten min- utes after the other fellow has gone home.”” coer Il —. ONO Where there’s a will there a FACING THE MUSIC. way to contest it. comicbooks.com