Judge — October 5, 1912 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE WAS OUT. The Idea! Stranger (to young lady behind counter of gener- al store in inland town)—‘Have you silk under- wear?” She (shifting her gum)—‘*On five dollars a week, in this dead hole? I should s-a-y n-o-t! What do you think?” Customer—" I wish you'd show me the thin- nest thing you have in a blue serge suit."” Floorwalker—"*1 would with pleasure, sir, but he 's out to lunch just now,"” His Choice. H, Helen’s eyes are velvet black, Her brow is like the snow, And wonderful embroideries Beneath her fingers grow. But Milly bakes the lightest bread A man could wish to eat, And biscuits white as powder puffs, And muffins hard to beat. And Helen paints divinely, too; Her water-color scenes Are perfect in their tender tints Of restful grays and greens And glowing pinks and silver blues. But Milly has no match With thread and needle when it comes To putting in a patch. Although I linger near entranced When Helen sings and plays, And though enraptured when we meet Upon her charms I gaze, And often in her dainty ear I whisper speeches silly, Yet Milly makes delicious pie, So I'll propose to Milly. Minna Irving. The Way of It. “Pa, what gave you the ‘The woman tempted me and I did eat.’’ A Superficial Attempt. Wiseman —‘‘I see Englishmen are resuming the habit of wearing whiskers.’"” Cynicus—‘‘Yes. A superficial attempt to revive the ancient vi- rility of the nation." If. “Oh, the beau- tiful moonlight!’’ murmured the enraptured maiden. “Yes,’’ replied the practical young electrical engineer. Tee e FOOLISH QUESTION. Unprepossessing stranger (holding pipe in one hand)—"' 1 say, friend, could you give me a match ?’’ The careful one—'" A match? What would you do with a match ?'” Unprepossessing stranger (sarcastically) arson, of course."’ Corr A TRUE SIGN. “* When did you first discover that you loved me, sweetheart ?"” “Tt was when I found myself getting angry every time anyone called you a fool."” could get for it if we had it bottled and on meter!"’ The Influence of a Joy Ride on an Automobile. The battery started feeding cur- rents to the engine and sparking with her in a most shocking fash- ion, under her hood. Then the gears fell to embracing each other; the tires, too, took on lots of and, becoming much inflated, kept hanging around the wheels, and the cushions got to acting so soft with the gasoline (which was “tanked’’) that the flywheel got cranky and so exhausted the en- gine that she choked and they had to fan her. The headlight was so provoked that it flared up and went out, leaving them in total darkness. The scandal was an odorous one, but was quickly muf- fled. “Think what we Ralph H. Prince. Dilatory Tactics. Wife (about to prepare meal)— “The question of what to eat is never settled,”” Husband—‘'Well, why don't you settle it, then, instead of laying it on the table every time?” An Inappropriate Machine. Detective—‘Did the cashier do anything to divert suspicion while his subtracting operations were going on?”” The president—'‘Yes; the hyp- ocrite persuaded the directors that the bank needed an adding machine.”” “Why, commit comicbooks.com