Judge — September 28, 1912 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Amusing Stories about Well-known Persons Dog Was on the Job. HEN Giles Farris, State printer of Oklahoma, was making his cam- paign, he heard of a ferocious dog at the Reg rac home of a farmer in a western county. At the home of this farmer were four sons and three hired men who were voters, and Farris, hearing that they were political bellwethers in the com- munity, determined to brave the beast to present his claims. A woman met him at the door. ris's face had fear writ over it. “T heard you had a bad dog,” Farris told her, ‘‘and I feared I couldn’t make it safely to the porch. ‘That dog’s lookin’ fur you neow,’” growled the woman. ‘‘Heah, Tige! Heah's another candidate !"" The woman’s form in the doorway was small obstruction to Farris as he en- tered the room. Far- An Amusing Climax. Professor Grosvenor, of Amherst Col- lege, president of the national associa- tion of Phi Beta Kappa, tells the follow- ing story: “Thad just attended the installation of a new chapter of our society at a small college in the middle West and was upon my way back East when an amusigg incident occurred. It was about one o'clock in the morning when our train came to a stop in some small place. The silence seemed almost un- canny, in marked contrast with the noise of the train in motion. We had been still for perhaps a minute when one of the passengers began to snore, at first mildly, then becoming stronger and stronger, until at last the whole car fairly shook with the vibrations. Sleep was’ impossible, and after a few mo- ments I peered from between my cur- tains to try at least to find where the guilty-one was located. I did not have the slightest trouble in finding who was responsible for our discomfort, for every one in the Pullman had his head out, glaring at a berth toward the other end of the car, the curtains of which were drawn fast together. A small German in the upper berth across from mine seemed even more angry than the others. His looks were now pleading and now threatening. Finally the snoring be- came irregular. A guttural sound was followed by a whistle, and then sounds resembling faulty plumbing did not add to the small German's comfort. At last came several titanic rumbles, short wheezes, a gasp, a long groan, and then all was still. I breathed a sigh of relief and was just pulling the curtains back in place, when the small German ex- claimed, ‘T’ank Got, he vas ded!’’’ She Was Rattled. Mrs. John Sanchez, of Placer County, California, went down to register for the first time. “You are compelled to tell your age, madam,” insisted the registration clerk. Mrs. Sanchez was so awed and sur- prised that she told the truth about it, but her awe died out and her anger in- creased the farther she got from the city hall, until she could stand it no longer. Turning around, she retraced her steps, and by the time that she reached the office she was in a fury. Sailing up to the clerk, she seid, ‘I was excited when I was in here a little while That was not my age that I gave Thirty-six is my bust measure.’’ It Looked It. Secretary Knox noticed Governor Clark, of Alaska, wearing a rather con- spicuous pearl, “*How much did you pay for it, Gov- ernor?’’ the Secretary of State inquired. “About seventy-five cents?” “No, Mr. Secretary.”” Governor Clark drew himself up with pride. “That cost me three dollars and fifty cents!’’ “Well,” was the retort, ‘‘it looks it.’” = ago. you. Slang Undefiled. Henry N. Cary, one of whose latest managerial tasks was to reorganize the 104-year-old St. Louis Republic and put new life into its ancient bones, tells this one: “One of the briefest and most ex- pressive sentences in slang ever re- corded was framed by a cub reporter in St. Louis. This beginner, whose duty it was to ‘cover’ the South Side police court and the Carondelet police station, called up the office one morning and ex- citedly informed Wild Bill, the rewrite man, that a certain South Side citizen, in a moment of haste and extreme un- kindness, had secreted the edge of a hatchet in his wife’s head and had then shot himself. in the stomach. The woman had died instantly and the man was not expected to live. “The lively cub, with all the enthusi- asm of a journalistic beginner, ran back to the house, fondly hoping the man would die, so he would have a still bet- ter story to report. In an hour or so he got his wish, and the delighted cub has- tened to a telephone and shouted to Wild Bill, “*Hey! That guy that nicked his wife on the bean and then binged him- self in the pantry is a croppie!’"’ And Wild Bill understood it perfectly. One Good Turn. At a recent Christian Endeavor con- vention at Springfield, Mo., the juniors were reciting Scripture verses. All was going well, with no worse mishap than an occasional stumble over some big word, and the audience was giving silent but sympathetic attention as each wee tot delivered some familiar passage. Suddenly the piping tones of one little miss rose clear and distinct: “Turn up achild in the way he should go’’—she began, but was immediately drowned in the thunderous applause from those who had ‘‘been there."” comicbooks.com