Judge — August 24, 1912 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

APOLLO could do well a BACCHUS the bar. would have to serve them over VENUS would her own rich brok ographer. - to the messenger service, HERCULES could get more people into a subway train than any eight of the present guards. MINERVA might impartalit- tle wisdom to our information bu- reaus. THEY MADE GODS OF THEM THEN, BUT IF THEY LIVED TO-DAY THEY WOULD HAVE The T IS all due to the gasoline engine. As soon as that was invented, a thou- sand other things were possible; but among them all none is so great a boon to the modern woman as the artificial escort. Man, already beaten almost to a frazzle, gets another staggering blow as he shrinks from the pages of history and fades into a moribund legend. In brief, this great invention is sim- ply a dummy man, with an outward semblance modeled upon some of the least repulsive of the sex, but operated by an appropriate engine instead of the usual imperfect and selfish human mo- tives. This mechanical superman will be controlled by electric push buttons, at all times responsive to the superior mind of the feminine operator. ‘‘Artie Escort’? will always do exactly what his lady companion directs. In a brief circular it is impossible to do more than hint at the many advan- tages ‘Artie’? presents as compared with his human rival. For example, let us take ‘‘Artie’’ out shopping, He will carry one hundred and twenty-five pounds of bundles and has no grumbling attachment. He never looks at his watch and hints that it is ‘‘just time to catch the six-ten’’; he does not raise his eyebrows at the price of a hat or sug- gest that the old one is as good as new; TO WORK FOR A LIVING. Artificial By TUDOR JENKS. he never shows an inclination to linger at the counters of ‘‘forward creatures,”’ nor does *‘Artie’’ become impatient if one looks at some two hundred and “ARTIE,” twenty-four remnants with the laudable purpose of saving three cents. As yet, the bill-paying attachment is not fully perfected, but the inventor hopes to complete it at an early date. As an escort to ladies who live in the Escort. suburbs, ‘‘Artie’’ promises to find an extended field of employment. He will be armed with an automatic revolver, and cannot be arrested for the offense, ashe isnot aman. As a dinner guest, “*Artie’’ will not fill the room with hor- rid fumes from expensive cigars, and will exhale no more than a slight odor of gasoline, pleasantly suggestive of motoring. ‘‘Artie’’ can at slight ex- pense be equipped with an automatic converser or with an attachment for musical purposes, either rag or. classic, as our patrons may prefer. By an exchanging device, ‘‘Artie’’ may assume different faces, among the styles kept in stock being the matinee idol, the English duke and the German baron. Send for the booklet. An Oversight. “‘My papa’s just been called by the Lord to a new church,”’ said the little girl. “Ith he goin’ to go?”’ lisped the other It is free. “little girl. ‘*We don’t know yet,’’ said the little girl. ‘The Lord didn’t mention the salary.’” It’s a wise child that knows its own bother. comicbooks.com