Judge — August 17, 1912 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Know Thy Audience. ETWEEN novels Miss Mary Johnston is a trenchant, ardent, successful suffragette. She travels around the South, holding pro-suffrage powwows. nuk She makes good speeches, too! Her teammate on these occasions is a Mrs. Valentine, a brilliant, accomplished ma- tron, who is only a shade less interesting than her famous side-horse, Not long ago a mere man was seen to slink out of a hall in which Miss John- ston, ably assisted by Mrs. Valentine, was striving to show a mixed Virginia audience the way to civic uplift and happiness via suffragism. Slinker headed for a saloon. “It’s awful!’’ he confided to the bar- keeper. ‘‘I didn’t mind the way they lambasted man. I don’t care if the skirts do take a slant at the ballot if they want it. What got me was when one of those imported stars pointed her finger at me and yelled, ‘You are the only unconsorted man in the house! Where is your wife? Did you compel her to remain at home so she could not hear what we have to say?’’’ ‘‘Where was the missus?’’ commiser- ated the barkeep. ‘‘Hammering on the table with a gavel, trying to stem the tide of mirth that greeted my exit!"’ A Lad's Reply. This story has been going the rounds of Boston, about the ten-year-old son of Director Russell, of the Boston Opera House: One evening, during an entre-acte at the opera house, Master Russell was promenading alone in the foyer, in fault- less evening dress—a very glass of fash- c AR ion. A Boston matron, seeing that he was lonely, began to make herself “‘agreeable.”’ “You are Director Russell's little boy, aren't you?’’ she asked, with patron- izing sweetness, Master Russell resented this intrusion Amusing Stories about Well-known Persons on his dignity, but his courtly manners were unruffled. ‘‘Yes, madam,”’ he re- plied, with an elaborate bow. ‘‘Where were you born?” “In France, madam'’—slightly more frigid. “‘What part?’’ continued the lady, feeling the conversation well started. “All of me, madam.’"* And he bowed and walked away. Her Ambition. Dr. Lyman Abbott, who opposes votes for women, was praising, on a Southern steamer, a young Vassar girl. “She delighted me,’’ he said, ‘‘in a chat I had with her yesterday at tea. We talked poets, we talked about the new morality and the militant suffra- gette, and finally I said quizzically, “**And what, may I ask, is the height of your ambition?’ ‘**Six foot two,’ she answered unhesi- tatingly, ‘and he’s the best first base Yalevard’s had for seventeen years.’ ”” Adroit. Tom Westton, alias Otter Tom, alias the Swamp King, alias Dismal Westton, is a picturesque and noted character down in the Dismal Swamp region of Virginia and North Carolina. He is chief guide and counselor for nearly every hunting party which goes into the brakes. His most potent attraction, however, is the fluency of his beard, which hangs in a skinky, swirly, tobacco- stained thread half way to his waist. Last summer, after a twenty-six-year absence, he journeyed out to his old home in Illinois. ‘*Wall,’’ he said to his brother, all be lookin’ purty well.’’ “Oh, 8o-so,’’ rejoined friend brother. “You be lookin’ purty much the same. Not much change in yuh. Only—lemme see—you do look about a mile taller and two les skinnier than you used to. But,’’ he added hastily, ‘‘a man gotta lengthen out a bit to keep a brush like you got off the ground.’” “you Even Money. Congressman Lamb, of Virginia, has an old ‘‘befo’ de wah’’ darky working on his place, whom he pays a dollar a day. The old man is not very fond of work and loses a day very often, because of his alleged infirmities. The other day the congressman told him he was going to raise his wages from six dollars a week to seven. The old darky emphat- ically refused the raise, and when his boss asked him why, he answered, “It’s lak dis, Mister John. When 1 loses a day from work now, I kin count mah money; but if you gib me a raise an’ I loses aday, I won’ know how much I’se got comin’ tuh me.’” How Many of Us FAIL TO SELECT FOOD NATURE DEMANDS TO WARD OFF AILMENTS? A Ky. lady, speaking about food, says: ‘‘I was accustomed to eating all kinds of ordinary food until, for some reason, indigestion and nervous prostra- tion set in. “‘After I had run down seriously my attention was called to the necessity of some change in my diet, and I discon- tinued my ordinary breakfast and began using Grape-Nuts with a good quantity of rich cream. “In a few days my condition changed in a remarkable way, and I began to have a strength that I had never been possessed of before, a vigor of body and a poise of mind that amazed me. It was entirely new in my experience. “My former attacks of indigestion had been accompanied by heat flashes, and many times my condition was dis- tressing with blind spells of dizziness, rush of blood to the head and neuralgic pains in the chest. “Since using Grape-Nuts alone for breakfast I have been free from these troubles, except at times when I have indulged in rich, greasy foods in quan- tity; then I would be warned by a pain under the left shoulder blade, and un- less I heeded the warning the old trou- ble would come back, but when I finally got to know where these troubles orig- inated I returned to my Grape-Nuts and cream and the pain and disturbance left very quickly. “I am now in prime health as a result of my use of Grape-Nuts.'’’ Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. “There’s a reason,’’ and it is ex- plained in the little book, ‘‘The Road to Wellville,’’ in packages. Ever read the above letter? A new one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. comicbooks.com