Judge — May 25, 1912 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

take our maiden trip on the Dolly on Saturday aft- ernoon. What's your Maternalism. Kind gentleman— “‘What are you going to traveling bag doing out here?” “Oh, I was just getting ready for that maiden trip!"’ said Mrs, Updyke. Then she put her arms around his neck and prom- ised him, as she had done many, many times before, that she would never, never doubt him again. Snaps and Snarls. Providence, tempers the wind to the girl with the silk stockings. A self-made man al- ways acts as if he thought somebody else wanted to claim the job. American women will never get so excited over politics that they will for- get their powder rags. In England the candi- date “stands” for office; here the office has to stand for the candidate. American genius has done some great things, and it may yet invent a health food that tastes like something to eat. Honesty is also the best politics, but only a few have got next to it. The worst thing you can say about an actress is—nothing. A diplomat is a man with two boys and a dog, who can live in the same block a year without a quarrel. Many a woman who has everything » she wants wears her heart away in sorrow because she can't wear pink. You can violate a man’s principles with impunity, but beware of tramping on his prejudices. He's One in a Million. There's a man whom I don’t know by name, Who belongs in the fans’ Hall of Fame. When his office-boy said ‘That his grandma was dead, He cried, ‘*Sure! Go ahead to the game!"? WY. Kee Maxwul, THE NEWSPAPER MOOCHER. How soon an upright man loses his reputa- tion when he becomes a candidate for office. METING OUT JUSTICE. Judge— You look familiar. Were you ever be- fore this Court before ?'* Female—" No, si month,"” Judge—" Thirty days on bread and water but I wuz yer cook last do, Johnny, when you be- come a man?’’ Johnny—‘‘Nawthin’."" Kind gentleman— “What? Not going to do anything?” Johnny—“‘No. Just as soon as I started some- thing, ma would tell me to stop it.’’ Our Imports. It is said that a number of titled Englishmen are planning to visit America shortly. We are also re- ceiving large shipments of lemons from the West - Indies. Usually. Willis—"*W hat posi- tion do you occupy in your household ?"" Gillis—‘‘I am treasurer to my wife’s social secre- tary.’ Vice Versa. Parson—‘‘So your hus- band is sick. Maybe he hasbeen throwing himself too heavily into his work."* Mrs. Casey—"*Not on yure loife! He's been throwing his wu-urk too hivi- ly into him. That's what's the throu- ble wid him, He's a bartinder."’ Anent the Flea. How doth the little busy flea Delight to jump and bite! He's never where he seems to be— He's always out of sight! The things the flea has done to me Are not a cause for laughter; I've cussed him till I plainly see My place in the hereafter. An Addition. “Yes, sir, when we were ambushed, we got out without losing a man or a horse or a gun or"’—— “A minute,” chimed in a small, still voice, And Still We Print It. The poets are working overtime. With them ‘tis now the open season. They find much reason for their rhyme, And make much rhyme with little reason, comicbooks.com