Judge, 1912-05-11 · page 14 of 26
Judge — May 11, 1912 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes the frustrations of commuter rail travel in early 20th-century America. A woman complains to a conductor that a fare increase has disrupted her day—the joke being her disproportionate emotional distress over a minor cost. The male responder (likely the conductor) sympathizes but urges her to maintain composure, invoking Adam and Eve's acceptance of hardship as moral example. The satirical point: the absurdity of a middle-class commuter's wife being emotionally devastated by a small fare hike, elevated to biblical proportions. The illustration shows her abandoning her gardening duties (hence "The Garden of a Commuter's Wife") in distress. Below are two unrelated humorous anecdotes—one about an enthusiastic theater-goer whose hissing is actually praise (verbal stammering making "s-s-singing" sound like hissing), and one about worms preferring heaven without bean-shooters. These are typical magazine filler jokes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE GARDEN OF A COMMUTER'S WIFE. Lines to a Lady in Distress. LADY: disappointment stricken, could brought to—but the agent, ma‘am, has resentment prickle, yet I'd pay that you note my pulses quicken and my _ naught to do with fixing of the fare. It other nickel, really, madam, I declare! perturbation thicken, you would know! _ is Fortune, ever fickle. Though a slight For I'd like the matter straightened, sympathize. For I, too, have felt affronted when I've found my ticket’s wonted price has risen—and they’ve grunted when I’ve voiced my hurt sur- prise. Ah, it’s bitter when our bub- ble of delight is pricked by trou- ble, for we see our sorrow double when the suds are in our eye! And it’s hard, we'll grant, con- cealing certain petulance of feel- ing that is wont to come a-steal- ing when we see our money fly. Bat our reason, madam—rea- son should control the subtle trea- son of our passions—won’t you seize on just a shred?—I wish you would! Oh, recall how Eve and Adam, though a greater sorrow had ‘em, left the paradise forbade 'em with what fortitude they could! No, they surely ‘hadn't ought to"’—it’s a pretty pass we're as my train departs at eight, and it is getting rather late, and I am furthest in the line. Madam, while you closely care for earthly pence, you lose your fare for good Saint Peter—won’t you therefore move?—it's seven-fifty-nine! — Gorton Carruth, Sibilant Praise. One of the ushers approached a man who appeared to be annoying those about him. “Don’t you like the show?’" “Yes, indeed!" “Then why do you persist in hissing the performers?” m-man alive, I w-was- I w-was s-s-simply ammie that the s-s-s-singing is superb."’ Half of the world don’t know THE MILLENNIUM i : how their better halves live, and if Weary Warbler—"* Say, Dick, what's your idea of heaven ?”’ e Lazy Dick—“' A million worms and no bean-shooters !"' they are wise, won't try to find out. comicbooks.com