Judge — April 13, 1912 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oF 1, our old practitioner— Dr. Francis Mortimer— How we hung upon the ver- dicts you would make! Haw we took your sulphur pills, And your nostrums, and your squills, How we plastered up our per- sons for your sake! Haw we let you mend cur bones Mid a fusillade of groans, How we took your nasty doses hour by hour! Looking on you as a god Who this mundane planet trod! To relieve its suff'ring people hy your power! The Old-time Doctor. By LIDA KECK WIGGINS. Where, oh, where, are you today, With your good old nag of gray, And your pungent-smelling, drug-filled old valise ? With your quaint old watch and chain, And your jokes that eased our pain, And your sympathy that brought us calm and peace! Blessed old practitioner— Dr. Francis Mortimer— Yiu have been supplanted by the specialist Whose diplama merely shows That he's fit to treat a nose, Or an eye, a throat, a stomach, or awrist! While the made the long, long hours stayed Would be ridiculed by such experts as he! Ay, the bills we get today, And the fees we have ta pay Are the reasons for increased mortality! modest charge you For you Oh, our old practitioner— Dr, Francis Mortimer— Never better man upon earth was seen— First to greet us after birth, Last to comfort us on earth— Heaven grant that we shall keep your mem'ry green! Too Much Starch PROBLEM. An Asheville man tells how right food did that which medicines had failed to accomplish: “Por more than 15 years,"’ he says, “I was afflicted with stomach trouble and intestinal indigestion, gas forming in stomach and bowels and giving me great distre These conditions were undoubtedly due to the starchy food I ate, hite bread, potatoes, etc., and didn’t digest. I grew worse with time, till, 2 years ago, I had an attack which the doctor diagnosed as appendicitis. When the surgeon operated on me, how- ever, it was found that my trouble was ulcer of the pancreas, instead of appen- diciti A FOOD veral such attacks, suffering greatly. The last attack was about 3 months ago, and I endured untold agonies. “The doctor then said that I would have to eat less starchy stuff, so I began the use of Grape-Nuts food, for I knew it to be pre-digested, and have continued same with most grat ng results, It has built me up wonderfully. I gained 10 pounds in the first 8 weeks that I used Grape-Nuts; my general health is better than ever before, my brain is clearer and my nerves stronger. “For breakfast and dinner, each, I take 4 teaspoonfuls of Grape-Nuts with cream, a small slice of dry toast, an egg soft boiled and a cup of Postum; and I make the evening meal on Grape-Nuts and cream alone--this gives me a good night’s rest. I am well again.’’ Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. “There's a reason.'’ Read the little book, ‘‘The Road to Wellville,"’ in packages. Ever read the above letter? A new one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of tuman interest. ince that time I have had s A Family Windfall. 'ATHER had the rheumatism, uncle had the gout, baby had the measles and his skin was popping out; sister had the whooping cough, brother had the croup, and grandma had sciatica from sitting on the stoop. Then there came a cata- logue describing all our ills, guaranteed to cure "em with a certain kind of pills. So the famil, nt for some, and, when they came, they took and dosed themselves three times a day, according to the book. Two days later father jumped as lim- ber as a mouse; uncle kicked a cannon- ball over Johnson’s house! Baby's measles went away, and sister stopped her cough, while grandma felt so fine that she took all her flannels off! Now we're never sick at all, or any- thing like that—all the fat folks getting thin, and thin folks getting fat. All our appetites are good—we eat like can- ni-bals, and make a family living writ- ing tes-ti-mon-i-als!~ Henry Edward Warner Puzzle—Find the Cure. A dyspeptic old chap, with a grudge Against doctors and physic, cried, ‘udge! I'd be better by half Could I have a good laugh!"’ And was cured by one number of ——. Gal-vanism ? There is frequently something about a girl that draws her closer to a man— unless she asks him to remove it. A Hazard. summer, in the backwoods of souri, had accompanied “Uncle Joe’? Cannon on a tour of State stumping, a funny incident occurred at the close of a speech which the ex- speaker had delivered to a crowd of rustics, one of whom approached with extended hand, saying, with warmth, “Hullo, Mr. Cannyun! Reckon ye don’t 'member me."’ “Of course I remember you!’’ said the other, accepting the proffered hand of the farmer. ‘I remember you very well, indeed. How’s the good wife? And the old white mule—how’s he pull- ing along?”” “*By crackey!"’ laughed the farmer. “*To think you'd ’member ole Pete! Oh, he’s still eatin’ his head off, thankee.”’ Later in the evening I spoke to Can- non and asked him how he chanced upon the mule episode. “To confess the truth,’’ smiled the old man, ‘‘such a thing never entered my head. I didn't know the man from Adam; but when I saw a long white hair on his coat, I took a chance."’ Will Bring It Back. Caller—‘‘Is the boss in?"’ Office-boy—'*No, sir; he’s gone out. Caller—‘*‘Will he be back after din- ner?” Office-boy—"'No; that’s what he’s gone out for.’’ where I While there’s life there is a chance for ap- pendcitis, comicbooks.com