Judge — April 13, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“THERE ARE IN EXISTENCE SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY MILLION PR RIPTIONS FOR A COLD,” A Cold in the Head. TF ANDREW CARNEGIE will, listen 1 to some kindly and disinterested ad- vice from a man who knows all about getting rid of surplus capital without hiring extra help, he will quit throwing money at that elusive bird called the dove of peace and utilize a part of his wad in endowing a cure for a cold in the head. I do not know of any one thing that would cause as much peace on earth and make Mr. Rockefeller so jealous as for Mr. Carnegie to find acold-in-the-head remedy that will rem. I read the other day about some surgeon in New York who made a new stomach for a man, and it seemed like a great triumph of science; but that same man may sit in a draft to-morrow and die of a cold in the head. The surgeon that did the cutting may step in a pile of slush on his way home and die the same ignominious death, with all the doctors in New York powerless tostop him. It does seem that, in these days of wireless telephones, love- less marriages, and clothesless dancers, we ought to have progressed far enough to do something about a cold in the head. But we haven't. The doctors are venting new dis- eases every year and designing in- By W. KEE MAXWELL novelties in surgical operations hand over fist, but colds in the head continue just as common as if they had no com- petition at all. A cold in the head is so cheap and democratic that most everybody has one or two every winter, regardless of race, color, or previous condition of servitude. This may be one reason why doctors pay so little attention to it. If Mr. Carnegie would hire some one to give syllable name and invent a five-hundred- dollar operation for it, acold in the head might get some medical attention. Nothing awakens one to a realization of the seriousness of a disease of this kind so much as having it. Ordinarily, I confess, the sight of an able-bodied man sneezing like a Russian anarchist making a stump speech moves me to inhuman merriment. But at present I do not feel thus. I am overflowing with tears of sympathy for the stricken ones, for I have it myself. How many people go down to watery a four- WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND. graves every year from colds in the head I cannot say offhand, and I am too busy with a private project to stop and figure up. But when I recover (if I do not sink, with all on board), I am go- ing to put the office-boy at work with the adding machine and have him make me a lot of statistics. This is the only subject in the world which has not been statisticked, which is another proof of scientific neglect by the investigators. While science has been very negligent in dealing with this matter, the lay population has devoted a good deal of time to it— so much so that there are something like thirty mil- lion prescriptions for it in existence. Doubtless there are many more than this, but these are all that have been told to me personally since I acquired my pres- entcold. Peopte are selfish about a good many things i have never yet met % man or a woman who kept a pre- scription for a cold in the head locked this material age, but I away in greedy exclu- siveness. Many a man will get up out of bed on acold night and walk five miles to tell you how to cure a cold in the head, and some women will wait patiently all winter long for you to catch one so they can try out a new recipe on you. comicbooks.com