Judge, 1912-04-13 · page 10 of 24
Judge — April 13, 1912 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* satirizes early 20th-century romantic ideals and medical/scientific progress. The left section parodies sentimental love poetry: a couple professes eternal devotion while subsisting on poverty food (prune, heather), yet celebrates their "true love" despite contracting serious illnesses (cirrhosis, neurosis)—the joke being that romantic love cannot overcome material hardship or disease. "The Germ's Downfall" celebrates modern medicine's conquest of microscopic bacteria through toxins and serums, contrasting past fear of invisible killers with present medical confidence. The "Therapeutic Philosophy" section offers tongue-in-cheek aphorisms mocking the doctor-patient relationship: doctors profit from illness ("misery loves doctors"), patients know doctors by results, and the best doctors remain invisible to their patients' awareness. The central illustration shows two people dining, labeled "They Dinnered Together in Doses," likely referring to medicinal treatments rather than food—reinforcing the magazine's skepticism about both romance and medicine as solutions to life's problems.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Some are born beautiful —— AS THE TWENTIETH CENTURY man didn’t say—the wickedest words he would say—when he looked in her soft eyes a-crying, the dreadfullest mur- murs he'd say! “Dear heart,’’ then he whispered, “‘together we shall feast on the babe food and prune; on a diet we'll gather the heather and stroll ‘neath a mush- roomless moon—all chopless we'll gaze at the moon—full of hay we'll consider the moon; and I'll swear at the cow on its tether—I'll swear at the cow till you swoon; and who knows if we get decent weather, and, if it's permitted, we'll spoon!"” Then they dinnered together in doses, and she gazed in his eloquent eye, while Cupid sat laughing on high, hid under a cluster of roses. "Twas too had that they couldn’t have pie— they certainly couldn't have pie! But they dared a peach pudding that froze is, and he said, ‘‘We've what gold cannot buy—we have true love that never will die! Thank heaven, I contracted cir- rhosis through the birds and the bubblement dry!’ Then she blushed and she blessed her neu- rosis and the doctor for bring- ing them nigh. Kate Masterwn, In the Far East. Fair voyager—‘Why are we sailing along here with the flags at half mast?” Captain—‘‘Out of respect for the Dead Sea, ma’am."” ——some achieve beauty— Cheerfully Subscribed. Mrs. Noopop—'‘Charlie, what do you think? Dad just sent us a one-thousand- dollar check for our new baby! Wasn't that good of him?”” Mr. Noopop—''I should say so! I'll write at once and thank him for his con- tribution to the Fresh Heir Fund.’ The difference between sal sodium and common salt is—the doctor and about two dollars per ounce. “ THEY DINNERED TOGETHER IN DOSES.” ——and some have beauty thrust upon them. HATH IT. The Germ’'s Downfall. Once the small but fierce bacillus Had a chance to thrive and fill us; He could work unseen and kill us, For his name was then unknown, From the arctic to the tropic, With an ardor misanthropic, The bacilli microscopic Ruled a domain all their own, But to-day we do not fear ‘em, For, with toxin, dope, and serum, Doctors quickly kill and clear ‘em From our systems with their stuff. Now when, full of diplococci, We are feeling bum and rocky, We soon brighten up, for Doc he Calls the dread bacilli’s bluff. —Georee B. Stuf Therapeutic Philosophy. And Misery loves doctors. it’s mutual. A doctor is known by the pa- tients he keeps. All friends are good doctors. Some doctors are good friends. The man who is his own physi- cian has the right doctor for a fool. A man’s stomach and_his doc- tor have a resemblance. The better they are, the less he is aware of them. comicbooks.com