Judge — March 30, 1912 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“The Telephone Girl” The telephone girl sits still in her chair And listens to voices from everywhere. She knows all the gossip, she knows all the news, She knows who is happy and who has the blues; She knows all our sorrows, she knows all our joys, She knows all the girls who are ‘‘chas- ing the boys.’" She knows all our troubles, she knows of our strife, She knows every man who talks mean to his wife; She knows every time we are out with the boys, She knows the excuses that each fellow employs. If the telephone girl told half that she knows, It would turn all our friends into bitter- est foes; She would sow a small wind that would soon be a gale, Ingulf us in trouble and land us in j She would start forth a story which, gaining in force, Would cause half our wives to sue for divorce. She could get all our churches mixed up in a fight, And turn our bright days into sorrowing night; In fact, she could keep the whole town ina stew, If she told but one-tenth of the things that she knew. Say, kid, but doesn’t it make your head whirl When you think what you owe to the telephone girl? - No Words Wasted A SWIFT TRANSFORMATION BRIEFLY DESCRIBED. About food, the following brief but emphatic letter from a Georgia woman goes straight to the point and is con- vincing. My frequent attacks of indigestion and palpitation of the heart culminated in a sudden and desperate illness, from which I arose enfeebled in mind and body. The doctor advised me to live on cereals, but none of them agreed with me until I tried Grape-Nuts food and Postum. *“The more I used of them, the more I felt convinced that they were just what Ineeded, and in a short time they made a different woman of me. My stomach and heart troubles disappeared as if by magic, and my mind was restored and is as clear as it ever was. “T gained flesh and strength so rapidly that my friends were astonished. Postum and Grape-Nuts have benefited me so greatly that I am glad to bear this tes- timony."’ Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. “There’s a reason,’’ and it is ex- Plained in the little book, ‘‘The Road to Wellville,”” in packages. Ever read the above letter? A new one appears trom time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. Expansion, Progress, Efficiency That is the meaning of the consolidation, on March Ist, of the sales organizations in America of the three leading and standard makes of typewriters, the Remington Smith Premier Monarch This one greater unit under a single executive control is the Remington Typewriter Company the Greatest Typewriter Organization in the World This consolidation affords our customers an unrivaled variety of product —three distinct makes of typewriters, each of a different type and each the best of its kind. Our regular typewriters, billing typewriters, wide carriage typewriters, adding and subtracting typewriters, etc., cover every conceiv-e able requirement of the typewriter user. It insures to every present owner or future purchaser of Remington, Monarch, or Smith Premier Typewriters the best, the most complete, the most far-reaching, the most efficient service ever provided to users of the writing machine. Remington Typewriter Company (Incorporated) New York and Everywhere Boston Transcriptions. A Minus Quantity.—Fditor—‘‘I wish you'd asked the distinguished visitor how our street-car manners impressed him.” Reporter—“I did, sir, and he replied that he hadn't seen any manners on our street cars.’” Learn from Experience bow much health, pleasure and benefit come from drinking Evans Ale Try a course of home treatment and see how quickly good results will follow. Dealers or C. H. Evans & Sons, Hudson, N. Y, Oh, Splash!—‘‘My sister writes from abroad that her husband fell four stories out of a hotel window.”’ “Mercy! You take it very calmly.’” “Oh, he wasn’t hurt! You see, it was in Venice, and he could swim.” More Costly Than Coal.—Grocer— ‘*What are you doing there?” Clerk—*Mr. Jones has ordered a bushel of potatoes, and I'm looking him up in Bradstreet.’’ The Goat. — Miggs — ‘‘Your doesn’t seem to like me.’’ Rig Naturally! You're the man I always lay the blame on when I am detained downtown evenings.’’ Every lover of a good cocktail should insist that Abbott's Bitters be used in making it; insur s your getting the very best. C.W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. ‘ 19 wife WHITE VALLEY GEMS jcal white sapphires — LOOK! Stand acid and fire dias RAI mounted in tia Ree ciid gold ings. Willsend you any style ring. pin or stud for eramination—alicharges prepals—eo fm In advance. Write tod vv free iiostrated rt, Fpecial prices: ‘ring measure. WHITE VALLEY GEN CQ, C773 Sabs tod, It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com