Judge — March 23, 1912 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“But what did you mean by tooting the horn?”’ “Nothing. Only I've finally got it to working. Listen! (Honk - honk! Toot - toot!) Isn't that great?”’ Marital Success. IVE years ago he said to me, when I was blushing twenty-three, ‘‘Oh, won’t you spend your life with me?” ‘Dear heart,’’ I answered him, ‘‘I will the round of life with you fulfill, love, honor, and obey until"’ So we were wedded rather soon and passed a blissful honeymoon, alone, together, and atune. Five years ago—you'd rath- er wince at such an odd coinci- dince—I've really hardly seen him since! We're married still, it’s very true, and really quite de- voted, too; but, then, we've both had much to do. At first it was just business that kept hubbie always at the bat, while I ran Mary and the flat. s high finance marked him with her curse, while I had baby and her nurse. And, after that, he under- took to ‘*boost’’ new projects; I forsook things generally to keep the cook. As president he’s in demand; a maid and butler I command, a chauffeur, foot- man, and a band. A captain now of industry, you read of his philanthropy; but home’s the sphere for little me. Our paths diverge—it seems they “have ter.’’ It really is a thought for laughter—‘‘They both lived happ'ly ever after.’” Bakery or Beggary ? “What line is poor old Slippup in now?"’ “Last I heard he was in the bread line.”” Wife—"'1 m afraid mother is not well. Do you, John? John—* No I never did.’ JOHN S OBJECTION An Innovation. The raven deposited food and drink at Elijah’s feet. “So far as I know,’’ quoth the bird to the prophet, ‘‘this is the first time the consumer has been dealt with di- rectly, thus saving the middleman’s profits."’ If He Had Only Mr. There once was an amorous Mr., Who on meeting a girl always kr. ; , But one night, at the gate, He found, when too late, He'd been kissing the chauffeur’s black I don t quite like her looks. The Prize Grouch. An Ohio town has a prize grouch, who refuses to believe anything that does not lie within the range of his own knowledge. He doubted the word of an acquaintance who told him about seeing a num- ber of robins during a recent cold snap in that section. “There ain't no robins around here at this time of the year,’’ he said, ‘‘and no one can make me believe they seen any.”’ At that very momenta robin happened to fly into a small tree near at hand, and the friend puinted to it. “Doggone it!’’ growled the positive one. ‘‘You'd do any- thing to make me out a liar, wouldn’t you?” Before and After. He called her his ideal, Ere he and she were wed; She soon proved his ordeal, And he wishes he were dead! One Look Did It. “How did the aviator come to fall to the earth?’’ “He was flying over Boston and happened to look down on the crooked streets, and became dizzy for the first time in his experience as a sky navigator.” A Nautical Feast. “Shiver my timbers!'’ cried a ship- wrecked tar. ‘We'll starve, there is no doubt!"’ “‘Not,”’ cried another, ‘‘while this wind Blows foul and chops about!’" The story from Cincinnati to the ef- fect that a man there found six pearls worth $900 in a fifteen-cent oyster stew might be accepted in that town, but it was not worth exportation. Pearls that have been cooked are fit only to cast before swine. A CHOICE LINE OF ANTIQUES comicbooks.com