Judge, 1912-03-16 · page 20 of 23
Judge — March 16, 1912 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains primarily **advertisements** (Velvet tobacco, Hotel Imperial, Pears' Soap, medical remedies) alongside a satirical story titled "The Sad Fate of the Propagandistic Relatives" by Horatio Winslow. The story is a **social satire** mocking the tendency of early 20th-century relatives to become obsessed with various reform and health movements. Starting with ten relatives, the narrative tracks how each person's adoption of a different fad causes them to leave or separate from the group: - Fresh-air enthusiast - Single-tax advocate (Henry George's economic theories) - Christian Science devotee - Fasting/dietary extremist - Back-to-the-farm idealist - Occultist/Mahatma practitioner The satire **ridicules propagandistic zeal**—how people adopting fashionable ideologies become insufferable, preachy, and isolate themselves from normal society. Judge's humor targets both the movements themselves and people's tendency toward sanctimonious fanaticism about whatever cause captures their attention.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
It takes patience. Nothing saves impatience in the smoking of to- bacco like patience in the making of it. Beats patents every time. You can’t make Velvet in a hurry. Nature simply won’t hurry when she’s busy on a good-thing—and Nature is really working all of those two long years while the rich, ripe, middle leaves of that splendid Kentucky Burley tobacco are be- ing mellowed for pipe time. THE SMOOTHEST TOBACCO nga minute. Get to knowVel- vet. Get that wonderful smoothness, that flavor- some,biteless, moke. Full size 2-ounce tins, Oc SPAULDING & MERRICK (Steed owned Ly Liggett & Myers Tobacco Co.) One Block from New Pennsylvania Station Hotel Imperial On Broadway Thirty-first to Thirty-second The ideal place to lunch or dine. Where excellence of. cuisine pre- vails, where service of the finest is efficient, yet unobtrusive. Amidst luxurious surroundings, en- tertained with music by an unexcelled orchestra. Luncheon, Dinner, or an After-Theatre Supper—in the Palm Garden, or Cafe is a distinct treat. Convenient to theatres, new shop- ping district, and all lines of trans- portation. Popular Prices. ROBERT STAFFORD Proprietor Booklet will be mailed on request COPELAND TOWNSEND Manager Pears’ Soap makes white hands, gives clear skin and imparts fresh- ness to the complexion. A cake of Pears’ cake of comfort. "Comfort by the cake or in boxes. Don't Wear 4 [uss nT; fagalost the pubie ‘The most, ured, Toowmands re auccenstuity urate tbemecivee um at home without Binsrunee free works Bolt as tele td Feeders renee awaraed Gold thi year ey mae JAL OFF PLAPAO iet.7°7 Fite % Addea—PLAPAO LABORATORIDN Block 202 8 Leese Ha VARICOSE VEINS, "21¢°> is a The Sad Fate of the Propa- gandistic Relatives. By HORATIO WINSLOW. EN little relatives, cut from one design; And they lived very happily together, too, till one went in hard for the fresh-air_ movement—you know the sort of thing--couldn’t pass a window without opening it; claimed to be stifling as often as the house ther- mometer rose above sixty-five; went in swimming on December 15th and called almost everybody a mollycoddle. Soon there were nine. Nine little relatives chummed at such a rate! Till one became interested in single tax, and thereafter spent all the odd hours expounding the Henry Georgian theo- ries of taxed and untaxed land. (Pause.) Then there were eight. Eight little leaven; Till one of them supplied it in the shape of Christian Science and insisted each evening on entertaining the group with ‘‘Science and Health’’ and ‘‘Key to the Scriptures.’’ Pretty soon there were seven. relatives, rather lacking Seven little relatives—how they loved to mix! But one became convinced that fasting was the sole and only cure for each and any disease and the single speed- way to health and vigor. He wasn’t satisfied with chucking food himself, but he wanted every one else to go without. After a while there were six. Six little relatives—Fate could not con- trive Any way to make them fall out till one developed the back-to-the-farm idea. Before long you couldn’t meet him without having your nerveless hand thrust full of literature on soils and being treated to an impassioned ha- rangue on early tomatoes. Presently the six were five. Five little relatives— count ’em—five— no more! And a most congenial lot, too, till one of ’em went in for occultism and in- sisted on being a Mahatma. She hadn’t any use for persons who didn’t spend at least an hour a day in the Great Silence; and as for meat eaters! —well, whenever she went into Cousin Jane’s dining-room and saw the roast smoking on the table, she would just roll her eyes and murmur, ‘‘Poison!"" The rest put up with it as long as they could, but shortly thereafter there were only four. Four little relatives, friendly as could be; Till one of them kicked in with a wealth of material about New Thought and explained how anybody could rise above his environment, and how if Uncle Peter would only think right he needn't have the gout any more. Then there were three, Three little relatives, loyal and true; But one became infatuated with this art nouveau stuff, and the way she cut up In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be arpreciated. comicbooks.com