Judge — March 16, 1912 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE? “De lady down stairs say, ‘ Kindly don't throw any more furniture around, ' * Somewhat Different. SGeN said the stern father, as he grasped the strap in his strong right hand, ‘‘this is going to hurt you more than it does me."* No, dear reader, the intelligent com- positor did not make a mistake in the above. It is reproduced literally as ut- tered by a stern but truthful parent. Speedilitic. Mrs. Murphy—“Bless us, Mrs. Casey ! I see the doctor’s autymobile forninst your house this morning. Is there some one sick?”’ Mrs. Casey—‘Yes. Mike.’” Mrs. Murphy—An’ what is ailin’ him?”” Mrs. Casey—‘‘The doctor do say it is a disease he calls ‘locomotives an’ taxis.’"’ NOT ON DISPLAY. * Do you sell cigarette papers ?”” * No, sir; I don't believe there are any cigarette papers published."” Contrast. Bill Brown is worth five hundred thou; His raiment, though, is seedy. To look at him you would allow ‘That he is poor and needy. His hat is of a vintage rare; He shaves himself—but badly. His finger nails show lack of care, And show it rather sadly. Financering. A small boy was given a penny to spend. Now, although his stomach craved a lollypop, he also wished a banana he had seen on a fruit stand at the corner. He preferred, of the two, the fruit. “How much is them bananas?’”’ he asked. “Six for five cents, or a penny apiece.’” “Six for five? Well,’’ the youngster said wistfully, ‘‘gimme six."” The fruiterer counted out half a dozen and handed them over. ‘tA penny apiece?’’ questioned the boy, taking them. The man nodded. So the boy counted out five bananas and gave them back. “There’s your five cents’ worth,’’ he said. ‘‘I don’t want ’em.’’ Before the merchant quite saw the value of the lad’s act, the boy was on his way to the candy store, a banana in one hand and his penny still in the other. AL W Unting. A rolling pin shows who's the boss. Three days he wears a pair of cuffs, He eats in serve - self places, The cheapest of cigars he puffs, He never plays the races. He keeps a modest, simple air; He's modest in his drink- ing. But Bill's so rich he needn't care What other folks are think- ing. Jim Green gets twenty-five a week; His duds are right in fash- ion, His fancy waistcoats fairly shriek— With him they are a pas- sion. He goes to work in silken GROWS IN HIS IMAGINATION. hose, ** Here 's the w-whip y-you s-sent me out for, p-papa."” In wintertime sports gait- ers, And by their.Christian names he knows The high-class cafe waiters. He would not dine where food is cheap, Nor smoke a rank five-center; Though at the bar they stand four deep, He buys for all who enter. All this he can’t afford, and yet 'Tis true as we record it— He thinks he can’t afford to let Folks think he can’t afford it. — Edgar A. Guest. A little butter, now and then, Is relished by the boarding men. Quick Lunch Philosophy. Mastication is the thief of time. He who gulps and runs away May live to gulp another day. Bolt, and the world bolts with you; Chew, and you chew alone. Always say pie. Some men are born dyspeptic, some achieve dyspepsia, and others have wifie’s biscuits thrust upon them. There’s many a tip 'twixt the cup and the sip. comicbooks.com a ea es a i ca a a a