Judge — March 9, 1912 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

John Smith. (Contiaued from a preceding page.) portraits of John, and I cannot believe a young lady of Pocahontas’s type would throw her arms around his neck. She would be more likely to say, ‘Club him in the face, papa, and see if it improves his looks.’’ John was the homeliest Smith that ever chewed tobacco. The truth seems to be that, while on a voyage up the James River, in 1607, Captain Smith was captured by Pow- hatan, who wished to exhibit him asa curiosity in the Royal Powhatan Dime Museum, then making the circuit of the country districts; but John was not a drawing card. Powhatan tried him as *‘Jojo, the Dog-faced Man,’’ and the natives only said no dog ever had a face like that. Then he tried to show John as the Wild Man of Borneo; but, after one man had seen John’s face, no more of the hardy red race could be induced to enter the exhibition tent, and Pow- hatan, in his rough, untutored way, told John he wasn’t worth his feed, and that at the next stand he was going to set him up behind a hole in a canvas and allow the red men to throw war clubs at him, three throws for five cents, who- ever hit him to get a Connecticut-filler cigar. John objected to this, calling atten- tion to the fact that the war clubs then A Woman Doctor WAS QUICK TO SEE THAT COFFEE POISON WAS DOING THE MISCHIEF. A lady tells of a bad case of coffee poisoning and tells it in a way so simple and straightforward that literary skill could not improve it. “I had neuralgic headaches for 12 years,’’ she says, ‘‘and have suffered untold agony. When I first began to have them I weighed 140 pounds, but they brought me down to 110. “I went to many doctors and they gave me only temporary relief. So I suffered on, till one day, a woman doctor advised me todrink Postum. She said I looked like I was coffee poisoned. “*So I began to drink Postum, and gained 15 pounds in the first few weeks and am still gaining, but not so fast as at first. My headaches began to leave me after I had used Postum about two weeks—long enough, I expect, to get the coffee poison out of my system. “*Now that a few months have passed since I began to use Postum, I can gladly say that I never know what a neuralgic headache is like any more, and it was nothing but Postum that relieved me. “‘Before I used Postum I never went out alone; I would get bewildered and would not know which way to turn. Now I go alone and my head is as clear as a bell. My brain and nerves are stronger than they have been for years.”’ Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. “There’s a reason,”’ and it is ex- plained in the little book, ‘‘The Road to Wellville,’’ in packages. Ever read the above letter? A mew one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, and fall of human interest. in use were studded with hunks of iron, and that if one good war club, thrown by Sat-Down-on-a-Hornet or Man-That- Swallowed-His-Plug-Tobacco, hit him in the face, his future prospects would be ruined. “Great king of the red faces,’’ said Captain Smith, with much feeling, ‘‘I warn you that the Great White Father at London, England, watches over me with a jealous eye. Touch but one spot of tomato soup on this beard of mine, and you will get yours, just above your necktie. I am aman of plain speech. Cut out the club business, and I will go back to Jamestown and shower upon you the untold wealth of England. I will send you one stew pan of tin, eight brass suspender buttons, two empty bock-beer bottles, and a porcelain-lined fruit-jar lid as good as new. If Ican find one, I will add an imported-from- Maine French sardine can, with some of. the cotton-seed oil still lurking shyly in the bottom. It is the ransom of a prince rather than of a poor soldier of fortune, but I don’t care. My motto is, ‘Let her go, Gallagher!’ Durn the expense!’’ For some minutes Powhatan sat in deep thought, smoking bird’s-eye to- bacco. Then he spat on the stove and replied. **Son of the Great White Father,”’ he said, in the noble language of the red men, which sounded like a pig strangling ona turnip, ‘‘I have heard your words. The Great Red Gazoozer has listened with both ears. You are a slick talker. But the red man can no longer trust the words of the pale face. It is the same old string, but you can’t string papa. Nix on the hot air, John! Many moons ago the pale face came to the red man's country and came right in without knock- ing. Powhatan greeted him asa friend, saying, ‘Welcome to our little city!’ In his honor the James River Brass Band played, ‘If you ain’t got no liquor, you needn’t come around.’ And what has been our reward? While holding out the hand of pretended honesty, you have soused us with liquor that never did, and never could, bear a pure-food label. You have stewed us with wood alcohol. Your booze has eaten the copper lining out of our sweet and simple stomachs. We feel like the morning after, all day and every day. Powhatan longs for re- venge. Let the war clubs of the strong men of the tribe give you a headache. Thave spoken."” The great chief then made a sign with his hand, and John was led away and placed behind the hole in the canvas, that the strong men might throw war clubs at him. In a few moments all would have been over with John Smith, and only a few hundred thousand John Smiths would have been left to bear that honored name. Already a club was hurtling through the air toward his head with deadly aim, when Pocahontas, speeding toward him, uttered those words that most fittingly meet the eye of the reader at such a point in the narrative— (To be continued im our next.) Every lover of a good cocktail should insist that Abbott's Bitters be used in making it; insures your getting the very beat. C.W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. There's Age oo in every drop of the great-grand- father whiskey— Old Overholt Rye ** Same for 100 years” Bottled in bond in Pennsyl- vania—mature and mellow— with full flavor, rich body end rarearoma. Insist on “ —it’s worth your while A. Overholt & Co. Pittebureh, Pa. T TELL Tee FROM LINEN Ay Same correct zie San ioe tetare. Salt deniers lla Sisle Bock Pree’ The Arlington Company vag Tstahtisbed 1883 725it'was.5.7. cet “The aging of a cocktail is as necessary to perfect flavor as the aging of wine or whisky. The delicious flavor and aroma of Club Cocktails is due not alone to the precise blending of the choicest liquors obtainable, but to the fact that they are softened to mellowness by aging before bottling. Manhattan, Martini and other standard blends, bottled, ready to serve through cracked ice. Refuse Substitutes. 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