Judge — March 9, 1912 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘What it was. ‘What it is. THE LINE OF LEAST RESISTANCE The Social Scale. WHEN, 1 proposed, she answered, “No; The man I wed must have the Do.’’ When next I piped my plaintive lay, She said, ‘‘Of hope there’s not a Re."’ Again I made my fervid plea— She cast a withering glance at Mi. She met my fourth with cool ‘‘Aha! This matter’s gone a bit too Fa.” Five times I sought to gain the goal. Said she, ‘‘You are a patient Sol!’’ The sixth, she said, ‘‘Go ask papa. Perhaps he'd like a son-in-La."’ So, armed with lengthy pedigree, I bolted forth, her dad to Si. . . . . . . “She's yours, young man! Such nerve, I know, Will make up for your lack of Do.” MORAL. Young man, don’t mourn your dearth of kale. Just persevere —you'll run the scale. Suspicious. Mrs. Talkalot—‘‘Mrs. Dashaway says her house is full of antiques. Mrs. Pneurich—‘'I knowed it was full of something. Iseen ’em sprinkling insect powder around the other day.’’ What it may be A Flight of Fancy. If people with a mental twist The doctors cannot fix, Supposed to be in Luna's power, Are known as lunatics, The man that has a flying bee Amid his brain machinery And loves among the clouds to stick Must be an aeroplanitic. Not Like Mother Made. Johnny and his mother were din- ing with a friend. The first course was chicken soup with macaroni in it. The hostess watched Johnny as he sat quietly gazing into his plate. Finally she asked, ‘‘Why don’t you eat your soup, Johnny?”" “‘I don’t care for it, please, ma’am."’ “‘But your mamma said you liked chicken soup.’” “I do like mamma's chicken soup, but she don’t put the raed windpipes in.’” On a Diet. Quizzo—‘I understand that your friend Bronson is a vege- tarian. Quizzed—"*Yes. He has such pronounced views on the sub- ject that he married a grass widow.”” Their View. Mrs. Wayupp—‘She says their family settled in Boston.”’ Mrs, Blase—‘‘Not to hear the tradesmen there talk."’ A Soft Berth. Sympathetic lady--Where did you sleep last night?” Weary Wiggles mum."" Sympathetic “In a coal bin, lady—'‘My gracious! How did you stand it? Wasn't it an awfully hard bed?” Weary Wiggles—'‘No, mum. It wuz soft coal.”” At Palm Beach. “Seems to me it’s aw- fully stupid here,’’ re- marked the transplanted Broadwayite. ‘‘Can’t you rake up a little ex- citement?”’ “Well, I might let you have your bill,’’ suggest- ed the hotel manager. The Silenced Pretender. Bilts—‘‘ Did you know that the oldest of Price’s seven daughters had eloped?”” Siffert—‘No. How was the old man affected? Bilts—*Oh, he took on dreadfully at first; then he found out that every one knew he had bought the girl’s railroad ticket.’’ In South America. First senorita—‘‘She belongs to the most exclusive soci Second senoriic— she is a D. S. A. P.—Daughter of South Ameri- can Peace. She can trace her descent from ancestors who lived in the two years when we didn’t have any war.” | REFLECTED GLORY. Visitor—* Well, my little man, who are you?"’ Little man—‘ I'm the baby's brother."" Tabloid Sermons. Be on the square—because it’s right, And then you sleep well, too, at night. Here is a hint I’ll give you cheap: “Uneasy is the swindler’s sleep.’’ Be patient, my son, as you go along; But not too patient—or you're in wrong. Of things gone ‘‘flui”” and things passe, The deadest of all is Yesterday! If you would roll in coin and pelf, Just keep your secrets to yourself. — Bertin Braley. His Occupation. Farmer Hornbeak—‘‘What’s your nephew, that graduated from college a spell ago, doin’ now?’’ Farmer Bentover—‘‘Still meerschaum pipe.’’ colorin’ a Innocent. Poverty is a crime of which we can- not accuse the wealthy of being guilty. comicbooks.com