Judge, 1912-02-17 · page 15 of 24
Judge — February 17, 1912 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Main Cartoon (Top):** Four travelers carrying suitcases labeled with destinations (California, Reno, Chicago, New York) head toward a "TO TRAINS" sign. The caption "IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS" suggests these figures represent people seeking fortune or escape, likely referencing the post-WWI era's restlessness. **"The Poets" (Carolyn Wells):** This poem, credited "with compliments to Mr. Kipling," parodies Rudyard Kipling's style. It humorously traces a writer's education through famous poets (Shakespeare, Browning, Keats, Swinburne, Edward Lear, Kipling himself)—suggesting all writers are derivative, assembling their craft from predecessors. The self-deprecating tone satirizes both aspiring writers and literary pretension. **"Under Duress":** A brief flirtation joke about a woman who can't resist when a man recalls kissing her as a baby. **"Back to Childhood, Nit!":** An Ohio congressman complains insomnia prevents sleep even using the childhood remedy of counting sheep—because he keeps thinking about "Schedule K," likely a tax or legislative matter. Satirizes how modern bureaucracy intrudes even on attempts to escape it.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
"VE taken my lore where I’ve found it; I've read an’ I've ranged in my time; I've 'ad my pickin’ 0’ poets, An’ four o’ the lot was prime. One was in Sufi apparel, One was a club-footed Beau, One was a parson named Carroll, An’ one is a man I know. Now, I aren’t no ’and with the poets, For, takin’ it all along, You can’t write like them till you've tried it, An’ then you are like to be wrong. There’s times when you'll think you're a genius, There's times when you'll know as you're not; But the things you can lift as their pages you sift Will ‘elp you along quite a lot! I was a young ’un at writin’, Shy as a kid to begin; A poet named Flynx got me goin’, An’ Flynxy was clever as sin. Then I fell in with R. Browning— Some of ’is meanin’s was dim— But 'e came up to time with ‘is rhythm an’ rhyme, An’ I learned about writin’ from ‘im. Then I run up against Shakespeare — 'E wrote quite jolly, I thought; They called ’im a bard, an’ I studied 'im ‘ard, Till some tricks of caught. Kipling was also some useful, An’ Pope, though ’is poems was prim; But the way was more clear when I piped Edward Lear, An’ I learned about writin’ from ’im. ‘is trade I had Then, next, I grew sort 0’ romantic— Yearned ‘long 0’ Shelley an’ Keats; Jes’ fairly wallowed in Swinburne— Reeled off the drivel in sheets. IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. The Poets. (With compliments to Mr. Kipling.) By CAROLYN WELLS. Come ‘long a feller named Dobson— He knew how to tinker an’ trim! An’ another man came—we won't mind ‘is name But I learned about writin’ ‘im. from I’ve taken my lines where I've found "em, I've ravaged my favorite shelf; But the more you ’ave loved of the others, The less you will care for yourself. UNDER DURESS. often kissed you when you were a He—" baby."" She —" Well, I couldn't help myself then."” An’ the end of it’s sittin’ an’ scribblin” An’ dreamin’ of great things to be; So be warned by my lot (which I know you will not), An’ learn about writin’ from me. What did the editor gentleman think? Nobody never knew. Somebody asked the office girl, An’ she told ’em true. When you get to a pome in the case, They’re like as a row o’ pins— For Mr. John Milton an’ a spring poet liltin’ Are brothers under their skins. Back to Childhood, Nit! A member of Congress from Ohio— nameless here by request—was com- plaining about his health, ‘“‘What’s the matter?” friend. *Oh, I don’t know. I’m nervous, I guess, and I have the worst kind of time getting to sleep when I go to bed.’" “Why don’t you try the childhood method of counting sheep as they jump the fence? That will put you to sleep, all right.’” “I've tried it, and it won't work.’” “Why not?” “Well, you see, just as soon as I be- gin to count the sheep I get to thinking about Schedule K, and then sleep is out of the question. Give me an easier one.”” inquired a About. “What aid Gabbley talk about, at the banquet last night?”’ “*It seemed about three hours.’” comicbooks.com