Judge — January 20, 1912 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Fly and the Auto. (Adapted) A FLY upon an auto lit, And thought he caused the sound. He thought he made it chug and spit, And made the wheels go round. This very busy little fly Has won undying fame For self-conceit amazing high, And ignorance the same. But now a rival do we find— A fly with ardor keen. She says Il just climb on behind And stop the big machine."* We see her strive and strive in vain, And soon she will desist; For the ‘‘anti’’ fly cannot restrain The auto suffragist. An Embarrassing Moment. When an old friend drops in to see you, and you begin to tell him how well you have got along since last you met and how greatly you have prospered— And you see that he does not believe you— And he sees that you see he does not believe you— And he tries to act as though he be- lieved you— And you see that he tries to act as though he believed you— And he sees that you see— That is probably the most embarrass- ing moment that can happen for both of you. Grocers may come and coal men may go, but there is never any short measure in the peck of trouble. Whatever may be said of the general average of the available lacteal fluid supply, the milk of human kindness never needs to be pasteurized. In the voyage through life, it isn’t al- Elastic hat stays for expansive millinery would eliminate the use of the barbarous hat-pins. It is in a landed aristocracy more than any other that men are known by their deeds. Some people refuse utterly to take stock in purgatory, although they know that it has not now and never will have any water in it. The average woman does not really care particularly for the last word, pro- vided she can begin all over again after somebody else has spoken it. Do not fail to remember that a man may be tremendously stuck on himself and yet be a very loose character. We have known men to be positively brilliantly bright and yet remain the possessors of the shadiest of reputations. The man with money to burn is often unconsciously doing no more than wud- ing to the fuel of purgatory. The beggar who is after dinner has to make his after-dinner speech generally before he gets it. Beware of the girl with the steely eye. It is she of whom the novelists write that ‘Carlotta looked daggers at him."" The reason why some folks have the wool pulled over their eyes is that it would be an almost monumental task to pull it over their ears. The trouble with income, on the whole, is that most of us cannot live within it any more than we can live without it. 19 -— 1912 FROM ONE EXTREME TO ANOTHER. Hoots from a Wise Owl. There are never any deductions from the wages of sin. They are paid in full. A joke is not necessarily a crazy one because it is cracked. In some grades of society it is the impossible person who is the most prob- able. ways the biggest blower who raises the wind most effectively. In courtship many a man fails to land on his feet until he has fallen on his knees. Speaking of oratory, did you ever ob- serve that the telephone book is full of ringing addresses? Genesis. Pharaoh had just dreamed of the seven full and the seven blasted ears of corn. “You are going to invent a new kind of breakfast food,’’ interpreted Joseph. The early bird is usually served with a large, cold bottle on the side. comicbooks.com