Judge, 1912-01-20 · page 12 of 24
Judge — January 20, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines: **Top cartoon**: "The Ultimatum" depicts a husband threatening his wife into compliance, captioned with his ultimatum to "stop it now or I'll wake your baby." It satirizes marital power dynamics. **"Deterrent of Crime"** by Mel Andburgh Wilson is a satirical poem mocking a prison reform idea (apparently providing musical entertainment with meals to inmates). The poem's repeated refrain "Music with your meals" absurdly suggests that offering music somehow deters criminals—a cashier, train robber, and would-be murderer all mysteriously reform after hearing about prison music programs. The satire targets naive rehabilitative policies. **Short jokes** below include wordplay about laziness as hereditary, marriage announcements, and advertising mishaps (a toothbrush ad's money-back guarantee appearing in large print defeats the purpose). The overall tone is cynical about crime prevention, marriage, and business competence—typical Judge fare mocking contemporary social trends and institutions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
verceramg) ( Husband of the playful one— Deterrent of Crime. by MeL ANDBURGH WILSON Federal Convicts at Atlanta to [Music for Prison Meals y.— News heading.) have Popular Entertainment Bacls HE CASHIER stood beside the safe And helped himself to bills; His getaway was neatly planned Beyond the distant hills, No thought of mother stayed his hand Nor dimmed his greedy e We whispered, ‘‘Music meals’’— He put temptation by. with your The desperado on the track Prepared to stop the train, And in some lonely desert cave To hide his ill-got gain. No thought of hardship or disgrace Availed his crime to check; We murmured, ‘‘Music with meals’’— He ran away, by heck! your The man with murder in his heart Reside a brother stood, An! planned to take the other’s life With brutal hardihood. N> thought of Cain or penalty Unnerved his hand that day; We muttered, ‘‘Music with meals He threw his gun away. No Wonder. Mrs. Givem—'* What tired?”” Weary Willie--**Heredity, mum. Me father was the original Tired Business Man.”" your makes you so Though Not Relished, A little lemon, now and then, Is go0d for some conceited men. THE ULTIMATUM Order Obeyed. Willis—** M. much at coll cut some of his luxurie: Gillis—** Did he do it?’" Willis—*Yes, He writes me that he has been cutting classes ever since. son spending so that I told him he must was The Stage. Stella—'‘Is her marriage announced?” Bella—*Yes; now it only needs to be denounced and renounced."" Who wants to be as independent as a pig on ice? That never brings home the bacon. Stop it now, or I Il wake your baby A Brilliant Adsmith. “You haven't got J. Jones Jinkins writing vertisements for you any more, I hear,'’ remarked one business man to another, both good advertisers along different lines. plied the other in a tone of roval, ‘and I'm glad of it.” I under- strong disap “What's wre stood he had taken a course from a cor- respondence school and was thoroughly g with him? competent."” “Was he?" And the other man spat as though something tasted bad. ‘Was he? Well, let me tell you what he done. I had a new brand of toothbrushes and I wanted something extra to exploit them all over, and I told him to go to it good. Next day in all the papers it showed up large and luminous, and at the bottom there was a line standing out clear which : ‘If not satisfactory after a week's trial, return and get your money .' Now, what do you think of that? Toothbrushes, mind you! Rats!’ Another Duty. “You are my wife's social secretary?” he asks of the beauteous creature who is seated at the small desk in the study. “Yes, sir,’’ she smiles. ‘I! am sup- posed to take Mrs. Blirrup’s place in as many social details as possible."” ‘*Well—er—she doesn’t seem to be coming downstairs this morning, and it has always been her custom to kiss me good-by when I start for the office.” comicbooks.com