Judge — January 6, 1912 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ANHATTAN—A small island, en- tirely surrounded by water and rubes; inhabited by plutocrats, aristo- crats, and Democrats. It produces scandals, stock certificates, and next- morning headaches, Favorite reading matter—the wine list. Motto-—‘*Thou shalt want ere I want.”” PHILADELPHIA—A small, round, black dot on the right-hand side of the map. (Additional particulars are not avail- able, as up to time of going to press no returns could be obtained either by mail, telegraph, or telephone. ‘‘Central’’ reports that they do not answer her call; every one appears to be asleep.) Motto—'‘How happy could I be with ether! Cuicaco—Built on the lake shore to show its contempt for water. Chief in- JUST LIKE US. “You 're a great specimen of a carrier pigeon ! That 's the second time you forgot to mail a letter for me.’" dustries: one-half of the Population en- gaged in packing cans for sale in U. S. A.; the other half in packing trunks to sail from U.S. A. Motto— “Cum grano salis.’” ‘ Boston—The Hub of the universe. Slipped off the axle a few decades ago and still lies where it then fell. Pro- duces beans, brains, and bluestockings. Favorite reading—the card catalogue. Famous building—the Temple of Peace. (It’s not really in Boston, but they don’t know the difference.) Motto—‘*We live and move and have our beans."’ Wasuincton, D. C.—Population— Senators, orators, curators, and pre- Geographical Grins. From HERBERT ADAMS. varicators. Manufactures words, mere words, Noted building—the Treasury. (Usually the capital is in the Treasury, but in this case the Treasury is in the Capital.) Motto—‘*We speak, but say nothing.’” SYMPATHETIC. “Poor little fellow! Never did anything to anyone, and still he gets an awful beating every day." Pirtspurcu—A city whose history is shrouded in adark cloud of mystery. It stands, reputedly, on the banks of a river; but as no one has ever been able to see the other bank, it may yet prove to be a lake or even the ocean. Pro- duces millionaires, steel, and steals. Reading matter—‘*‘When it was dark Motto—*‘ Wait till the clouds roll by. ONLY MUSCLE NEEDED. “That youngster doesn't seem very intelli- gent, but he has a fine appetite.’ ** Well, anyway, he may grow up to be a great college athlete."’ PRECAUTIONARY “*T wonder why they put that wire thing over it?” “Hem, guess they ‘re afraid it 'll bite.” Reno--A branch of Manhattan, used as a sanitarium for the cure of wed- galls. Population—lawyers, ladies, and a few plain women. The last are native to the soil. Reading—letters from home—no, him. Chief building—pulled down since the fight. Song—‘*Should auld acquaintance be forgot?’’ Motto— ‘*A fool and his honey are soon parted."” Overcoming Nature. There was a maid in our town Who did not paint, "twas said, Because her soft and dimpled cheeks Were made by nature red. But soon thjs maiden quite petite Grew wan, her roses fled, And all because she followed out The beauty hints she read. “And They Kick, Too.” Pat was standing near the car track when he noticed an automobile coming up the street, and to be safe he stepped back a little from the car track. The auto went past, and, just as it was passing, the driver had an occasion to turn off the track. When he did, the auto skidded on the car track, causing the back end of it to swing around, striking Pat and knocking him down Pat was seen to get up and look after the car and say, ‘‘Now, p’hat do ye think o’ that?) Whin ye stand in front o’ thim, they run over ye; and whin ye git out o’ the way to let thim pass, they turn around and kick ye!"’ That dull thud you may have heard was the noise of the first fall this year from the H,O cart. comicbooks.com