Judge, 1912-01-06 · page 22 of 24
Judge — January 6, 1912 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising with a humorous sidebar feature**. The main content is ads for Hunter Whiskey, Pears' Soap, and the Lakewood Hotel. The notable editorial content is **"Willie Up to Date,"** a comic series from various newspapers featuring dark humor about a mischievous child named Willie who performs dangerous acts on a baby—tying its ear to a chandelier, pulling its tongue, pounding its head, etc. The joke's structure: each apparent act of violence is revealed as harmless because the "victim" is actually an inanimate object (a corn ear, wagon tongue, drum, clock face, mutton leg, etc.). This reflects **turn-of-the-century American humor** that found comedy in describing child endangerment—a sensibility completely alien to modern audiences. The humor relies on the reader's relief that no actual harm occurred, though the repeated scenarios of a child abusing an infant are darkly comic by contemporary standards. The feature republishes submissions from competing newspapers, suggesting this type of joke was widely syndicated.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HUNTER WHISKEY 1S OF MELLOW TONE AND PERFECT QUALITY. ITS UNIQUEAND UNIFORM CHARAC- TER DISTANCES ALL COMPETITION 1 Srot-class cates and by jobbers LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, M4 FLELPPEE EEE EEE EPS E EEE TELE EEGEEEEEE EEE EEE TEESE EERE SESE SEED EEPELEEEEEEE FEEEEEEEEE EEE ES EEE. DEE EREE SEE EEE OE EE EEEEEEEEEEEDE EEE EEE SESE EEE EEE EE EEE DEES EE EEE ES “A cake of prevention is worth a box of cure.” Don’t wait until the mischief’s done before using Pears’ Soap. There’s no preventive so good as Pears’ Soap. Established in 1789. PEARS’ The LAKEWOOD HOTEL LAKEWOOD, N. J. THE HOTEL THAT MADE LAKEWOOD FAMOUS NOW OPEN UNDER THE DIRECTION OF MR, LOUIS FRENKEL, OF THE HOTEL KAATERSKILL KAATERSKILL, N. Y. Lakewood is one hour and thirty minutes from New York city, and for its climate, its pine trees, and its wonderful dry air it has no equal. Prospective patrons going to Lakewood will find the Hotel Lakewood one of the best managed hotels in the world. Special inducements will be made for parties who wish to spend the season at this wonderful resort. ‘There is also in connection with this hotel one of the finest 18 hole golf courses in America. ‘The hotel will be conducted on the most exclusive lines on the American plan. F. H. NUNNS, Manager In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. Willie Up to Date. Willie tied the baby’s ear Firmly to the chandelier. Baby chuckled, full of glee— ’Twas his ear of corn, you see. —Princeton Tiger. Willie pulled Kim by his tongue; Round and round the room they swung. Baby seemed to like it, though-— 'Twas his wagon tongue, you know. —Chicago Tribune. Willie pounded baby’s head, And the infant, smiling, s: “Oogle, joogle, umpty tum ’'Twas the head of baby’s drum. —Rochester Democrat and Chronicle. Willie, with his papa’s hatchet, Gave the baby’s face a knock. Baby crowed with joy, for ’twas the Face of baby’s nursery clock. —Boston Post. Willie’s little appetite Longed for something nice and light; Ate his leg, the little glutton— 'Twas his little leg of mutton. —Montreal Star. Willie, then, for a surprise, Dug out both of baby’s eyes. Baby laughed, gave Will a hug— 'Twas his ‘tater’s eyes he dug. —Milwaukee Sentinel. Little Willie took a drop, While held by his loving pop. Did it hurt him? Not a bit! Paregoric makes pain git. — Yonkers Statesman, Willie hacked the baby’s thigh Bare of meat, without a sigh. Baby laughed and sucked the bone— 'Twas a rooster’s, not his own. —Kansas City Telegram. Willie found a fat cigar; It was strong and black as tar. Baby ate it, did not choke— For it was a candy smoke. —Cincinnati Enquirer. It Hurt Him.—‘‘Gee whizz! 1 wish I could find the fellow who stole my um- brella’’—— “Oh, cut it out! Why do you make a fuss over a little thing like that?’’ “Little thing? Why, man, I actually bought that umbrella !’’—Catholic Times, After a Fashion.—Church member— ‘*Does your father always practice what he preaches?"’ Minister's son—‘*Yessum; before a mirror.’’—Cornell Widow. His Part.—He—*‘So young March and his father are carrying on the business.’"" She—‘Yes. The old man runs the business, while young March does the carrying on.""—N. Y. Globe. If You Would Preserve Your Lustrous Eyes, Use Murine Eye Tonic—A Favorite Toilet Luxury, Two Drops—No Smarting—Feels Good. comicbooks.com