Judge, 1912-01-06 · page 21 of 24
Judge — January 6, 1912 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humor pieces and advertisements typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines. **The Humor Sections:** The left column features brief jokes poking fun at literary pretension, property disputes, parental discipline, and marriage. The "How the Poet Won" piece satirizes Rudyard Kipling's high pay rates by having a struggling poet submit absurdly minimalist verse (single words per line) to earn his dollar-per-line rate from an editor—the joke being the poet's work is so bad it's nearly worthless even at reduced rates. **Advertisements:** The page is dominated by period advertisements for Schlitz beer (emphasizing purity and sterilization), G&W Canadian Whisky, the Hotel St. Denis in New York, and a varicose vein treatment. The Schlitz ad is notably lengthy, using pseudo-scientific claims about pasteurization and brown bottles to market the product—typical early advertising rhetoric before modern consumer protection laws. The page reflects early 1900s attitudes: literary snobbery, legal cynicism, and aggressive patent-medicine marketing alongside mainstream beer and spirits advertising.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
How the Poet Won. ‘*] understand Kipling is paid one dol- lar a word for his poetry,’’ said the soulful poet to the hard-headed editor. “Now, you don’t pay me any such price for my poetry.”” “Tecan hardly afford to pay you one dollar a word for your poetry,’’ the ed- itor said; ‘‘but I will pay you one dollar a line for a short poem.”* ‘Well,’’ said the poet, ‘‘here’s the poem: “John Yearns, Jane Turns, Eyes Meet; Love Sweet; Jane Stops; John Pops. Both Wed, ’Nough Said! John Mad, Jane Sad; Both Fight. Sad Sight! Whole Week Won't Speak. Re- Course, Di- Vorce.’ '" “You win,’’ said the editor.—Louis- ville Post. Deciding the Ownership.—'‘Look, fa- ther! There’s an apple on our neigh- bor’s tree. If it falls in our garden, whose will it be?’’ “Stupid boy! Whoever has the clev- erest. lawyer, of course.""—Fliegende Blaetter. Not So Vulnerable.— Papa (after hav- ing whacked his son)—‘tI assure you, my boy, that it hurts me just as much as you."’ Son Yes, but not in the same place, father.'’’—Pele Mele. Calming Auntie.—Aunt Mary (horri- fied)—‘*Good gracious, Harold! What would your mother say if she saw you smoking cigarettes?"’ Harold (calmly)—‘‘She’d have a fit. They're her cigarettes.’’"—Red Hen. Before Hostilities Began.—‘‘I hope your novel ends happily.’’ ‘Indeed it does. It ends in the mar- riage of the heroine and hero; does not go into their married life at all.”’— Houston Post. Every lover of a good cocktail should call for Abbott's Bitters. Makes the best. C.W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. The Cost of Purity exceeds all other Brewing — ig ek ee cate more money than on any other cost in our brewing. We sterilize every tub, vat, tank—we scald every barrel— every pipe and pump—every time we use it. We wash every bottle four times by machinery. The air in which the beer is cooled is filtered. Every bottle of Schlitz is sterilized, after it is sealed, by a process invented by Pasteur. i Light starts decay even in pure beer. gives protection against light. Dark glass The Brown Bottle protects Schlitz purity from the brewery to your glass. If you knew what we know about beer, you would say ‘Schlitz — Schlitz in Brown Bottles.’ Order a case fram your dealer today. See that crown or cork is branded “‘Schlitz” The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous... "HOTEL ST. DENIS |. BROADWAY and 11th ST. NEW YORK CITY os Wihin oaey accens of every point of it~ block from i minutes!» srefkel shopping Dares. ‘ ‘comfortable Nn urteous Rooms $1.00 per day and With privil re of Bath r $1.50 per and up EUROPEAN PLAN Table d'Hote Breakiast - - 600 WM. TAYLOR & SON, Inc. Better than Scotch Better thao Irish G&W Canadian Whisky Distilled by Gooderham & Worts, Limited, Toronto, Canada Better than Bourbon Better than Rye VARICOSE VEINS, "34265. Are promptly relleved with Inexpensive home treatment, Hing. tiredness and ‘of stam. t., Springfield, Mass, Tt'abwolutely removes the pal disease, - Pull particalars on re W, F. Young, P. D. ¥.. 115 Temp! In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com