Judge, 1911-12-16 · page 8 of 24
Judge — December 16, 1911 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains satirical commentary on American social life circa early 1900s. **"The Millionaire"** (poem): A gentle satire contrasting wealth with contentment. The speaker claims poverty but spiritual richness—peace of mind that millionaires lack. The mistletoe kiss joke suggests moral superiority through genuine feeling versus transactional relationships of the wealthy. **"Young America in England"**: A schoolroom scene mocking American educational standards. A boy cannot spell "hat" without "two chances"—satire on American students' supposed intellectual inferiority to their English counterparts. **"The Club Movement"**: The main satire. A stranger expresses surprise at the proliferation of clubs in a small town (eight hundred inhabitants). The postmaster then catalogs dozens: women's clubs, fraternal orders (Odd Fellows, Masons, D.A.R., G.A.R.), temperance societies, religious groups, youth organizations—suggesting Americans' obsessive club-joining and organizational mania had become ridiculous and pervasive even in tiny communities. The overall theme critiques American social excess and conformity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Millionaire. By JOUN KENDRICK BANGS. HE Christmas-tide approaches me And finds me 'mongst the mil- lionaires; For though I have no £ s. d., I likewise have no cares. 'Tis true I have no bank account, There’s mighty little in my till; But in my heart there is a fount Of unalloyed good-will. And though my pocketbook is low, Of gold and silver shows a dearth, There's not a millionaire I know Has more of peace on earth. KISSED beneath the mistletoe The maid whose cheeks were painted; But I kissed her lips, you see, and so The kisses weren't tainted. YOUNG AMERICA IN ENGLAND. Teacher—"* Robert, can you spell hat ?"’ Robert—‘' I can if I have two chances." Scouts an’ a Lend a Hand Society an’ a | “ Handicraft Society an’ the Good Samari- | tans an’ the Helper’s Guild, we got con- . | siddable many clubs, after all. Each of "em has a fair an’ a couple o’ entertain- ments a year, so there’s something goin’ on a good deal o’ the club time, even if the club movement ain't hit us very hard yet.”” Adaptability. | Customer—‘‘Why do you call this a | common-sense diary?” Stationer—‘‘After the first few pages it’s ruled like a memorandum book.’’ QUITE A SHOCK POR A MAN WITH A WEAK HEART. The Club Movement. ««] SUPPOSE that your town is almost progress Club, an’ a Danc- too small for the club movement to have affected it much. A town of only eight hundred inhabitants seldom has many clubs, I believe,’’ said the stranger within the gates of Cherrydale to the postmaster. “Well, we ain’t clubbed to death as some places seem to be; but when you come to count 'em up, we got consid- dable many clubs for a town of our size. We got a Women’s Club o’ two hundred members, an’ a Village Improvement Club, an’ a Ladies’ Social Club, an’ a Friday Afternoon Club, an’ a big Choral Club, an’ a Current Events Club, an’ a Library Club, an’ a Dickens Club, Thought an’ Work Club, an’ a Art Club, an’ a mixed club that calls itself the ing Club, an’ five whist clubs an’ a Euchre Club, an’ a Saturday Night Club. Then the W. C. T. U. an’ the Odd Fellows an’ the Masons an’ Knights 0” Py- thias an’ the D. A. R. an’ the G. A. R. an’ the Ancient Order o' Hibernians an’ the Eastern Stars an’ the Sons o’ Temp’rance an’ the Christian Endeavorers all have societies here, an’ they are tryin’ to start a Y. M.C. A. an’a Y. W.C. A. Then with the Grange an’ the Boys’ Brigade an’ five churches an’ some Boy A TIME FOR EVERYTHING. “* Don't eat so fast, Marion. That is not the way ladies behave.'’ “Well, mother, I am awful hungry. I will promise to behave like a lady between meals.” comicbooks.com