Judge, 1911-12-02 · page 15 of 24
Judge — December 2, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The page contains two satirical pieces: **"Counterpoint" (top cartoon):** A couple argues about air quality. He dismisses it; she retorts he should discard his cigar. The joke mocks marital bickering over minor grievances while ignoring larger issues. **"Primary Lessons in Geography" (main text):** A mock educational lecture deliberately misdefines rivers with absurd logic—claiming they're "fed" from small ends, that dams cause death ("employment to undertakers"), and that gravity prevents upward falling unless "propelled by external force." It's intellectual satire ridiculing pseudo-scientific explanations and bureaucratic incompetence. **"The Next Excursion Idea" (advertisement parody):** Advertises discount train tickets to Reno, Nevada—historically the divorce capital where people went for quick divorces. The satirical "perk" of including a divorce coupon and the limit of "one ticket a month per customer" mocks the era's high divorce rates and Reno's reputation as a divorce mill, treating it like a commercial commodity rather than serious legal matter.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
He—" 1 don’t care for the air."" Primary Lessons in Geography. Rivers. CARLETON G. GARRETSON, Instructor. CHILDREN, you have all doubtless seen ariver. It is a long, slender body of water, surrounded by land at every point except where it enters the ocean. It is not fed by means of its mouth, as are the rest of us; but, in- stead, it is fed through its small ex- tremities. It takes a river a very long time to make its bed, and even then it is often prohibited from lying peacefully in it by means of dams, which are great piles of concrete, rock, and sometimes graft, that hold the river back for a while, then wash away and give imme- diate employment to the undertakers, State militia, philanthropists, and news- papers. In sections where the rainfall is exceptionally heavy, rivers are cov- ered with watersheds, so that the rain cannot roll the water and disturb the fish. Those text-books that attempt to make you believe that the various rivers rise in mountains or lakes or springs are misleading you, as a river cannot rise without assistance, according to the law COUNTERPOINT. of gravity—a law which has been in effect ever since its introduction by a Mr. Newton, and which makes it a penal offense for anybody to fall upward un- less propelled by some external force. Many of the rivers of the United States are navigable to other vehicles beside fish, and thousands of people live in houseboats upon them. This is why our floating population is so large. There is a beautiful river which passes by Al- bany and comes to New York. This river has never been dammed, except by steamboat pilots who have patronized its sandbars, which have no license to exist. Their troubles have been due to their own miscalculations, of course. Rivers have all kinds of banks. These are often strengthened by means of de- posits, and sometimes depleted by means of changes in current values. Now, the class should be able to tell a river from an ocean, a quart of milk, or any other aggregation of water. IVES of fellow-men remind us We can make our wives sublime, If we keep our dears from wearing Gowns we see from time to time. She—" Then throw that cigar away." The Next Excursion Idea. ROUND TRIP TICKET TO RENO AND RETURN, ONLY- $9.99 For a Limited Time Only Each ticket includes meals, sleeper accommodations, and stop-over privilege of one hour. SPECIAL! Detachable coupon on each ticket entitles holder to one divorce, through our special arrangements. Pos- itively no delay! Special trains from all princi- pal cities will leave daily. Even if you have not fully de- cided to get a divorce, the above rate will surely appeal to you, on account of its cheap- ness. Special Dining-room and Sleeper for Pet Dogs! Trading Stamps Given Every Saturday with Ticket! French Novels and Fudge for Sale on Every Train! Positively No More than One Ticket a Month to a Customer. WE DEFY COMPETITION! comicbooks.com