Judge — October 21, 1911 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“How the dickens could you give an exhibition of alimony jumping?”’ asked Little Binks. “I don’t know, "’ said the Genial Philosopher. ‘That's where the educational value of such an ex- hibition would come in. You |/ don't know how to jump alimony, i I don’t know how to jump ali- mony, but Billie Van Doodleberg and Vanderpeyster Jiggers do. They are jumping their alimony all the time, as you would know if you read the daily papers, and this was their chance to show the I'd have been willing to pay ten dol- And, then, that harness public how they do it. lars extra to see a show of that sort. layout! Did you ever see such a jam as there was around that?’’ “There wasn’t any jam around it at all when I was there,’’ said Little Binks. “I guess you don't mean the same harness exhibition that I do,” smiled the Genial Philoso- pher. “‘I refer to the harness worn by the femi- nine element in the boxes, both single and double. It was truly remarkable! Why, there was one wom- an there wearing a silver filagree blanket, caught up in the middle with a gilt saddle girth, fastened at the rear with a ruby and emerald crupper buc- kle, and held on by a couple of hand-embroider- ed neck straps running over the shoulders, that was a perfect wonder! It didn’t look to me as if she could move an inch at any rate of speed at all with- out coming straight out of that harness, but I am told that she is classed among the fastest of herkind. She was amag- nificent creature to look at, and she held her head up as straight as a grenadier without a check rein or other device of any sort to give her a stylish carriage. It seems to me so interesting an exhibit as that might have obliged with a couple of turns around the tan-bark.’”’ “Did she wear blinders?” asked Little Binks, with a grin. “Yes,’’ said the Genial Philosopher. ‘‘She had a tea- caddy arrangement covered with ostrich feathers over her ears and mane that completely shut out any object that might serve to terrify her on the road, though that was rather su- perfluous, for they tell me she never shies at anything.” Little Binks gazed at his toes reflectively and the Genial Philosopher ran on. “Then there were those everlasting old draught horses,” “ Well, brudder Jackson, I hopes y: Brother J.—"* Nuffin as yet. Parson Jones—'* Bradder Jackson !"* DE DARK OB DE MOON, Parson Jones (calling on member of his flock the day before Thanksgiving) — ou has much to be thankful fo’ dis blessed season." But to-night, if conditions is favo’ble ''—— said he. ‘Really, I can’t understand why they hang on to that old chestnut of an exhibit. A big truck hauled about the arena by a iot of heavily built Percheron steeds that could have hauled a dozen such trucks with equal facility! We all know those horses can do that. We always have known they could do it. We see them doing it upon the streets every day of our lives, and the act possesses neither novelty nor in- terest; but poor little Bolivar de Snooks, who was there with his wife—now, he would have been worth looking at!"’ “‘What the dickens is there interesting about Bolivar de Snooks—a worried little shrimp of a stock broker, trying to keep up his end in New York Society, with a big S, when everybody knows he hasn’t got a free dime to his name?” retorted Little Binks. “That's just it,’ said the Genial Philosopher. ‘‘That’s my point. Why lug in a couple of Percheron draught horses to show how they can pull a truck around, when right within reach they had Bolivar de Snooks, who could have shown us how he pulls through socially on noth- ing a year, with a wife who spends forty thou- sand amonth, two daugh- ters who think they play bridge and are on view at the opera two nights a week looking like a fresh consignment of crown jewels from London, and a son who has resolved to go through college if it takes him twenty-seven years to pass up his first year’s work? Talk about your draught horses! Theirs is a life of luxu- rious idleness alongside of what poor old Bolly has to pull along the high- ways of life. We know how they do it, but how Bolly de Snooks does it is “AND A FOOL THERE WAS.” "Who was that fool you bowed to?” "My husband.” "Oh, I-er—I humbly apologize."* "Never mind. I’m not angry. But what a keen observer you are!” comicbooks.com