Judge, 1911-10-14 · page 15 of 23
Judge — October 14, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous short story illustrated in Judge magazine. The plot centers on **Carston**, a chronic schemer who repeatedly involves others in failed business ventures, leaving them broke. He's currently recovering in a hospital after his last partner put him there six weeks earlier. The satire targets Carston's optimistic obliviousness: despite his track record of failure, he announces plans to start a hospital—staffed entirely by nurses with a sign reading "Positively No Doctors Admitted." He credits his recovery solely to nursing care, dismissing medicine as "blasted." The accompanying joke box ("A Timely Joke") satirizes how old material gets recycled, claiming the submitted joke originated with Rameses the First and has been reused for millennia—a jab at unoriginal comedy. The social commentary critiques both naive entrepreneurs who exploit investors and the era's skepticism toward medical science versus folk remedies. Carston embodies the type who learns nothing from repeated failure.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The nurse laughed and sat down in a rocking chair. “Do you know,’’ said -Carston, “what I am going to do when I leave here?” “No."’ There was a faint flicker of her eyelids as she looked away. “I am going to start a hospital.’’ “You are joking, Mr. Carston.’” She smiled at him humoringly. “No, Iam not.’”” He ran his long fingers nervously through his soft black hair. ‘‘I’m in dead earnest. And there shall never be a dose of medicine nor a doctor in it. Over the gate I will have a sign, ‘Posi- tively No Doctors Admitted.’ The whole thing will be run by nurses.”* She looked at him quizzically for a moment. He was still thin and white, but there was life and enthu- siasm in his eyes—and he really meant it. ‘Just think, ’’ he continued, ‘‘what. a heaven such a hospital would be! 9 Clean and sweet from bottom to top A TIMELY JOKE —not a vile-smelling drug any- Editor—"' 1 have looked up the record of this joke submitted by you, and find that it was originally where, not a nasty-looking bottle in sprung by Rameses the First to Mrs. Rameses' young boarding-school friend. A thousand years later it was used by Aleck the Great against the Phcenicians, who laughed themselves to death when they heard Sight! Why, the very thought that it. Later it bobs up again credited to Slapstickus Hambonus, the ancient Roman vaudeville actor. they were out of danger of being Once more we see it in the first edition of Joe Miller's Joke Book, and now you bring it here."” Comic artist—"* Yes, that's just it. Its millennium has arrived again, and the time is ripe for it."" Pamped and pummeled, dosed and cut, would give new life to the patients.”" FOR THE GOOD OF CARSTON. Arey 7 re you really?” she asked. By WILLIAM Hl, HAMBY. CARSTON'S schemes were not so bad, There was quite a string of if he had only exploded them alone. _ these ex-partners scattered in But he always persuaded some one to go his wake across the country, in with him—some one with money. all of them wiser and wicked- d both always came out just as Car- ermen. The last one had put ston had gone in—without a cent. Carston in the hospital for six weeks. But he was decidedly better to-day, and, although it was still painful to walk, he made his way downstairs to the reading-room. “Well, it is good to see you down, Mr. Carston.’’ It was the nurse who had attended him most of the time. He turned from the window and smiled at the girl. ‘‘Yes, Miss Alice, it does seem good to be around once more, It was the good nursing that pulled me through. I would have been out a long time ago if it had not been for the TAKING NO CHANCES. blasted medicine.’’ my! Hen Whar head ee ie ase oP te ase and “Hello, hello, Central! give me my husband, What number? Oh, the fourth, if you must know, you imperti- She—"1 can't understand. He coughed a ; ‘ little and then gave me back my money.” again. nent thing !"’ comicbooks.com