Judge, 1911-10-14 · page 10 of 23
Judge — October 14, 1911 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces targeting early 20th-century social pretensions: **"The Prehistoric Vacuum Cleaner"** mocks ornate, affected writing about pipe smoking—pretentious advice wrapped in pseudo-scientific language. **"Are You Satisfied with Your Family Tree?"** satirizes the nouveau riche obsession with genealogy and aristocratic lineage. The advertisement parodies ads for actual genealogical services by offering instant, artificially "evolved" family trees that can be "transplanted without injury"—implying one can simply purchase respectability and social status rather than inherit it legitimately. **"Unusual"** jokes that the Ethical Culture Society meeting was remarkable because two attendees lacked college degrees—mocking elitist assumptions about education and moral superiority. **"Located"** and other brief items offer witty commentary on marriage, divorce, and social conventions. The overall theme: Judge ridicules the artificial status-seeking and snobbery of aspiring upper-class Americans who pursue genealogy, education credentials, and cultural affectations as shortcuts to legitimacy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Country Breakfasts. By JOR cone. HATE to see The summer go, An’ think uv frost An’ hail an’ snow. T hate to eat By candlelight, An’ see the day Turn into night. But there’s no loss Without some gain; An’ there are things To ease one’s pain. Though summer's gone An’ fall is here, Good buckwheat cakes Fill me with cheer. Unusual. owss THERE anything re- markable about the meet- ing of the Ethical Culture Society last night?”’ “Yes; there were two men present who didn’t have college degrees of any kind."* THE PREHISTORIC VACUUM CLEANER. cut swiftly into its vitals with a keen knife and remove the offending canker. The pipe will then digest swiftly and sweetly all food—which food, I warn you, should be carefully chosen, the price being no guide to the value thereof. As pipes are notably envious or jealous of the affections of their masters, keep such of them as you have apart; for they are given to great struggle with each other in the secret night, and it is hard to come at one which has not a chip or crack in its surface. Beware of such as are unduly polished, for the outer skin conceals flaws of terrible vice, and in this it is well to have an eye to the soul of the pipe. A QUARTER OF FIVE. Ma—" What are you doing, Johnny ?”" Johnny—"' My foot 's gone to sleep, and 1 ‘m trying to wake it up."” Are You Satisfied with Your Family Tree? By ELLIS 0. JONES. WE ARE now prepared to furnish, on short notice, a full line of seeds, slips, bulbs, plants, or graftings from our highly evolved genealogical tree (Novensis respectabilis). This is a very hardy variety and will grow quickly in any well-gilded soil. Until now few have had the patience to start family trees, as the old common or garden variety often required several generations, with two or three wars in- terspersed. Ours can even be trans- planted without injury. Our prices are a little high, but a good genealogical tree is worth all it costs. Often it will make a man, and especially a woman, happy where noth- ing else will. We have supplied many of the would-be best people in the coun- try. Full particulars, including directions for culture, free on application. Every Bit Counts. Crawford—''The law says that before room can be repapered the old paper must be scraped off.”” Crabshaw—‘'If it wasn’t for that law, the walls of the rooms in our flat houses would soon meet.’’ Located. Stella—''If the third finger is for the wedding ring, which is for divorce?” Bella—'*The finger of scorn.’” A MODERN WOMAN. comicbooks.com