Judge — October 7, 1911 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Financial Genius. OW did the Rev. Mr. Good- man succeed in raising funds for repairing his church?”’ “He hit upon a very clev- er scheme. Realizing that most of the members of his congrega- tion were feeling the slump in business, and knowing that it would be impossible to induce them to subscribe to a re- building fund, he took the cushions from TOO INQUISITIVE Deacon Hotsport — a hundred and ten street ? Clerk —" One Hundred and ten and what?” Deacon—"' Thet 's all Now, say, don’t git perticular."" the pews and rented them out for the use of his parishioners at the baseball games, The result is that in addition to the money that will be needed to en- large and repair the church, he has enough to pay off all the outstanding debts.’" HE more negative a woman's charms, the more alarmed she is lest some man should kidnap her. Kin yew tell me how to git up to BS One hundred and ten street Achievement. 6¢2REFORE I con- sent to be your wife,’’ she said, ‘you must do something wonder- ful, something that you will have the right to boast about.’’ “Oh, I've already done that,’’ he con- fidently replied. “IT once gave up coffee for a year, and it’s six weeks since I've smoked a cigarette."’ In Business. By JOE CONE. 'M ONLY just a little girl, "Bout half as big as you; But just the same, tho’ I'm so small, I know a thing or two. 1 know a year or two ago We lived just somethin’ swell; ’Cuz pa was on a salary, An’ we wuz doin’ well. We had vacations ev'ry year, An’ dressed to beat the band; When ma was rigged up fora ball, She looked just somethin’ grand. We had a cottage at the beach, A power boat an’ such; But pa has gone in bus’ness now, An’ we don’t have so much, I don’t know why the diffrunce is, Course I am very small; Pa is a great big bus’ness man, But we've no cash at all. Ma says life ain’t the same for her, An’ thinks ’twon’t never be; I wisht pa 'd quit his bus’ness now An’ get his salary. Loud Cheers. “ HAT'S the trouble, old chap? You talk as if you had been cheering your- self hoarse."’ “That's it. the opening perform- ance of Sapleigh’s new play last night.” “Was it as good as that?’’ “Oh, it was rotten, but the orchestra played ‘Dixie’ be- tween the acts.” The Difference. «] AM TOLD Homebody takes a great interest in his children.”’ “Yes, he does; but not a controlling interest.’" I was at POSTPONING THE INEVITABLE. “* While there 's life there ‘s hope.’’ The Road Hog. F A MOTOR meet a motor Coming round a curve, If the first don’t sound his Need the second swerve? nal, Drat the chap that hogs the highway, Neither toots nor turns! Hope he chokes, and that, hereafter, In gasoline he burns! = Katharine Perry. Too Literally Informed. “ AS Moses a good man?"’ asked Miss Beacon, the teacher of the infant class in Saint Anthony's chapel. Little Eddie Machesney answered promptly. ‘‘No, teacher,’’ he blurted out; ‘the was the worst one of the bull caboodle. He was the only feller that ever broke all the comman'ments at onest."” Very Naughty. Willie—‘*Say, pa, I think ball players are awful naughty.” Pa—"Why?”" Willie—‘‘ Because they steal bases."" Pa—'Yes, Willi but sometimes they get caught.’" RE the inmates of an institution for imbeciles leading the simple life? NEVER BEEN HIT, BUT - Man—" Have you ever had any experience with automobiles?” Applicant—"* No, sit; but Oi ‘ve often been kicked by a horse. comicbooks.com