Judge — September 23, 1911 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1 i BEATING ASTRONOMY. Jones—'* Hooray! I'm the first human being to see the other side of the moon.'’ Answers to Correspondents. fy CAROLYN WELLS it ARRIE—When walk- AVG ing in the rain with ? a young lady, hold the umbrella equal- AS ly over your two heads. This insures bs a fair division of the drippings on the rim of her hat and the color decorations of her new gown and the shoulder of your own new over- coat. A. 1. Carr— For a worm in the steer- ing gear, try some well-recommended vermifuge. Roggie—To* make custards, you re- quire a sunny kitchen garden. Plant milkweed and buttercups near an egg- plant, and wait for the crops. Reggie-—A postcard bedquilt is the latest fad for fancy work in men’s clubs. Punch holes near the edges and tie the cards together with bright-col- ored baby ribbons. (Don't be absurd! No, this has nothing to do with a bright, colored baby !) Young Man Housekeeper—You are right; the directions for entertaining found in the Gentlemen's Household Magazines are not always intelligible to beginners. But a snowy tablecloth does not mean to decorate your table with little heaps of snow. It only means that you use a white tablecloth, in- stead of the red-figured ones formerly worn, Adieu—Summer. Y-BY, sweet summer, With all your spoony moons And languid strolls by many frills. Your hottest days were cool Beside the sweltering ones I now put through to meet vacation bills. 5 AM. Her Choice. Polly —‘*Miss Yellow- leaf is going to marry a struggling young man."” Dolly—‘It’s no use for him to struggle. I don’t suppose he can get away from her."” As It Is To-day ‘0 MARKET, to mar- ket, To buy a fat pig; Home again, home again, Price is too big! By Comparison. «6 GAY, MAMMA! my teacher’d make a bully highwayman!"" ex- claimed a boy as he rushed in from school. “Why, Freddy, what in the world do you mean?” inquired his astonished mother. “Why, she’s always telling the children to ‘hold up their hands,’ ’” Modern Ways. ‘By WILLIAM J. BURTSCHER. THe SEA has its yachts, Through the waves to splash; The air has its ships, Through the clouds to dash; The earth has its autos, To stir up the dust; I have my two legs, And use them I must. Particular Woman. ««QHE INSISTED on having a woman lawyer secure her divorce.”’ “Why was she so particular?’’ “She did not want to go contrary to that portion of the marriage ceremony that reads, ‘Let no man put asunder. A Change of Opinion. «TALK is cheap,’ chuckled the poli- tician with the telephone frank in his pocket. After talking twenty dollars’ worth, he pulled out his frank and found it had expired. ‘*By heck!’’ he muttered rue- fully, ‘‘that guy was right when he sai that ‘Silence is golden.’ ’’ As They See It. HE Garden of Eden exists to-day, If you heed the Westerner's boast. Just follow the trail of the sunset way, Till you reach the Pacific coast. SOMEWHAT AKIN. Lady (to author) —" I'm a great admirer of your work, Mr. Stiles. I belong to a literary family, you know. My father publishes the local directory."" comicbooks.com