Judge, 1911-09-09 · page 22 of 24
Judge — September 9, 1911 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This humorous poem mocks the idea that a man's vest reveals his character and intentions. The protagonist, Angeline, a cashier, judges potential suitors entirely by their vests' appearance and messages—rejecting a religious man (heaven-focused), a racetrack gambler, a political operative ("ward boss"), and men whose vests suggest flirtation or stubbornness. The satire targets both shallow courtship conventions and the era's belief in reading personality through fashion details. The joke culminates when she finally accepts a man wearing *no vest at all*—suggesting that judgment based on surface appearances is fundamentally absurd. The page also includes a brief exchange ("Where They Differ") about germ-laden flies versus money, and unrelated magazine content. The satirical point: earnest character assessment requires looking beyond superficial markers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
OW Angeline was a sweet cashier, Ina furnishing store—the best. She said, ‘*'Tis my experience To judge men by their vest."” On Sunday morn sweet Angeline Beheld a vest like this. “Heavea'y diss It said. ‘Life is not all, my dear. Prepare for heavenly bliss.” On Monday eve came Johnny Jones, His suit and vest the same. * For cece: Said Angeline, ‘I'm not for drones. My love will not be tame. JUDGE'S FAVORITE. GERTRUDE ELLIOTT. TO BE SEEN IN “ REBELLION” THIS COMING SEASON. THE SONG OF THE VEST. By HELEN B. ALEXANDER. On Tuesday eve the Postmen’s ball; Her escort looked like this. “* Does vot spell home.” “A vest like that does not spell home. I'd rather be a miss."" A small-checked vest next came her way. Said father, ‘‘He's a crack!"" "Gay race wack” “No, no!” said Ange. ‘You little know— Those go to the gay race track.” On Thursday eve Angela’s pa Came home. His eyes were proud. “The ward boss wants to rarry you."’ Said Ange, ‘‘His vest's too loud.”* Where They Differ. “You go for the germ-laden flies,”’ ob- served Pitt, “But the germ-laden dollars don’t rile you a bit.’” “The latter don’t rile me, it’s true,’’ answered Prout; “But I go for those, too, if I see one about.’” “Be consistent," said Pitt; ‘‘if there’s danger of ill In the fly, there’s as much in the germ- laden bill.” ‘*As much?"’ Prout retorted. ‘Oh, no, sir, not quite! Dollar bills do not try upon us to alight.’’ —Boston Transcript. Next came a man all done in gray, And yet his vest was tan. “1 always wear my vests that way," Said she, ‘‘A stubborn man!" © His vest was tan * Next came a man in suit of brown, Sincere, refined, alert. His purple vest drew Angie's frown, “I know that he’s a flirt.’’ “ Drew Angie's frown.” And so did she pass them all by, From pinhead stripes to gray; But none of them would do for her— She sent them all away. Until at last, quite in despair— 'Twas some time in the fall— She met a chap—-’twas just the one— He wore no vest at all! Bookstall clerk. (APTER FIPTEEN MINUTES)— “WOULD YOU CARE TO BUY THAT 200k, MADAM?” ; Lady (ABSENTLY)—“OH, NO, THANKS. I'VE ALMOST FINISHED I7."—London Punch. comicbooks.com