Judge — September 2, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

After the Ceremony. By EDWIN L. SABIN. HEN first I met Dolly and -asked, ‘‘May I call?’’ ““Why—yes, if you wish to,”” she answered, was all. ‘Twas rather discouraging—but now found She simply was dying to have me come round! I've When first I to Dolly’s did wend, after tea, A maid let me in and informed ‘‘she would see’’! Then Dolly tripped down. ever have read She had watched for my coming—and straightway had fled? Who could When first I this Dolly would proudly escort, I sat long in wait. ~3 a beggar at court, While Dolly upstairs must still linger and ‘*fix.’" She now doth admit she was ready at six! —I must try not again! , for she did not aver (As now) that my act was delicious to her! When first from my Dolly I snatched at a kiss, There never was maiden more learned from her very self—fie!— She rather had hoped I was going to try! When Dolly I asked, ‘Will you marry me, dear?” How vastly perplexed did the damsel appear! How hesitant, she! now doth confess That all she had planned for a month was a “‘yes"’! But she When first I met Dolly (‘twas ere I was taught), I judged her an angel, with innocence fraught. I set out to win her—but now do I see ‘Tis somewhat a story of her winning me! FAIR, FAT, AND “ FORTY." Never Again Resolutions. THe morning after—To take another drink. The disappointed suitor—To believe in a woman. The indigent ‘Johnny’’---To another chorus girl to supper. After the horse race—To heed another tip. The gambler—To have faith in two pairs. The surgeon—To avoid an operation when possible. The attorney—To leave any money for the litigants. The preacher—To point out evil too close to home. The political reformer—To try honest legislative effort instead of crying down capital. invite Vance C. Cris ECAUSE riches have wings is no -sign that the rich will ever have them. Satan—“ SINCE YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT, TAKE MY ADVICE AND BE GOOD.” To a Corn Cob. By ESTELLE MAY NOLTE, IPE of our fathers, known of yore, Lord of the far-famed Battle Ax, We hold thee in our hand and pore O’er volumes old, ‘neath lights of wax; In fancy, now, I'm puffing yet, I don't forget, I don’t forget. If, drunk with smoke of meerschaums we lose The taste we once possessed for thee, To count thee of no further use, And leave thee in neglect—oh, gee! Jupce of Weeklies, be with us yet, Lest we forget, lest we forget! Sayings of the Cynic. THE pig has some virtues—he appre- ciates a square meal. It’s all right to fall in love with a girl, but don’t get stuck on her. A gadabout does some good at least; people fear her criticism. It may be all right to lend a dollar, . but it’s better to give it away. Some wives are helpmeets when it comes to meeting the collector. Mothers-in-law are not the worst people in the world— there is the Black Hand. If your enemy smites you on the right cheek give himthirty days—in the emergency hos- pital. All men may not be as black as they are painted; some of them may be covered with yel- low streaks. If you don’t make your children mind how do you ex- pect the authorities are going to do it later on? The black sheep in some families are not so dangerous in the long run as some of the white ones. — Jor Come. THE BEST jokes are always on some one else. comicbooks.com