Judge — August 26, 1911 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Dissipated moth (seeing birthday cake) —'* Never again! BLAMED THE BOOZE. Thish 's opti (hic) cal stage. Why, 'd (hic) almosht swear there 'sh mor'n one (hic) candle on thatsh cake !"’ The First Lady of the Air. By WILLIAM J. LAMPTON. NoTR—Miss Harriet Quimby bas received from the Aero Club of America the frst beense iss woman ait- pilot in this cowntr H, lady fair, Up in the air, Above the plodding herd, You fly so high, Oh, me, oh, my, You are, yet ain’ta bird! Oh, lady fair, Beware, take care, Your flyways, prithee, guard, For if they stop, And you should drop, You ‘Il come down mighty hard. STILL LIFE. “That Jones boy who used to work for you wants to hire out to me. Is he steady ?"” “Steady? If he was any steadier he 'd be motionless."" Coming Headliners. EADERS of the daily papers were told recently that a young aeronaut would establish a world’s record by fly- ing around Pike's Peak for the purpose of winning the hand of a young lady of Ohio. The article hinted that the maid had for some time withheld her consent to marry her lover, and that when she put her proposition before him he read- ily agreed to thus risk his life. If other maidens decide to follow the precedent set by this romantic miss, we may most any day run across captions of the fol- lowing startling nature: “Groom compelled to explore Mam- moth Cave without the aid of a guide before bride consents to wedding.”” “Climbs to top of Mt. McKinley in order to win bride, and spends honey- moon on lecture trip telling of his achievement."’ “Popular young lady forces sweet- heart to swim Atlantic Ocean. She marries him when he hits shore, while his clothes are still wet.’” “Heiress demands that suitor reach North Pole. Promises to marry him on the day his proofs are accepted by the Geographical Society.”” “Declines to dive through bottomless lake to other side of globe and is re- fused by society belle, who declares that she will remain single until the right young man comes along and performs this feat for her.”” High Kickers Excepted. DON'T you despise people who are always kicking?” ““Not always. Some of them I ad- mire very much, “ For instance?” ** Chorus girls.’” William J. Burticher, Vain Man. 6éT)ON'T talk to me about women be- ing vain!’ sniffs the lady. As no one seems disposed to disobey her injunction, she continues, “*Men are the vainest things on earth. My first husband was so vain that he wore out three mirrors just looking at himself.”” Worse. Jimmie—‘ We're in for it, Chimmie!”’ Chimmie—‘‘ What's de trouble?"’ Jimmie—‘‘You know that letter we wrote threatenin’ the schoolhouse unless they give us three million dollars? "’ Chimmie—‘‘Yep. What'd they do? Give it to de cops?” : Jimmie—‘‘Cops nothin’! The cow- ards! They turned it over to de teacher.”’ F ALL the words of tongue or pen, The gladdest are these, ‘‘I’m home TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT comicbooks.com