Judge, 1911-08-19 · page 16 of 24
Judge — August 19, 1911 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This *Judge* magazine page satirizes the institution of marriage from a misogynistic early-20th-century perspective. The main article by Stuart B. Stone treats husbands as household "appliances" wives control and manipulate—ranking them below chauffeurs and hairdressers in importance. The satire suggests wives strategically manage husbands through deception, withholding affection before shopping seasons, and verbal abuse as the "civilized" equivalent of physical beating in other cultures. The accompanying cartoons mock domestic friction: a wife complains about ice deliveries while her husband supposedly shirks; a mother forces her reluctant child into swimming as punishment. A final joke pairs rural figures admiring "aeroplane buggies" (early automobiles). The satire's target is ambiguous—it may mock either domineering wives or the marital power dynamics of the era. The tone reflects contemporary anxiety about shifting gender roles and women's increasing independence.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THEN HE WENT OFF Of all the animals in the Garden Eve loved the cotton-tail rab- bit the most. The first day she saw it she clapped her hands with joy and cried, ‘* Oh, the darling little powder-puff !”” Different. Mrs. Crabshaw—‘‘If you don’t leave a larger piece of ice I'll have to get another man."’ Iceman—*Why, ma'am, every morning I can hear you down the shaft calling your husband to put it in the refrigerator, as it is too big for a woman to lift!’" T IS all well enough to bring a baby up on the bot- tle, but it is dangerous to try it ona man. It is more than likely to bring him down. BUT TOO MUCH Joy. Determined mother —'* You 've been pestering me to death all summer with could you have a swim! Now, by crickety, I'm bound to see that you get one !"” HUSBANDS. By STUART B. STONE. USBANDS are house- hold handy appliances designed to serve as aid, audience, satellite, back- ground, prop, and pedestal for lovely woman. Hus- bands rank in importance just above the chauffeur and beneath the hairdress- er, the platonic admirer, the Parisian poodle, and the family friend. The functions of a hus- band are to provide fitting- ly, to remember anniversa- ries and grocery orders, to listen, to button up, to give an account of himself, and to act as occasional substi- tute escort. The proper qualifications of a husband are docility, opulence, trust, blood, man- ners, and lack of curiosity, sentimentality, _ belliger- ency, and suspicion. A mere man not possessing quite all these desirable traits may, however, be- come a model companion. Husbands are made —not born. Husbands are to be cud- dled before the Easter and fall millinery seasons; to be appraised at more than par value when making comparisons with female friends, and at considerably less in the heart-to-heart utterances across the breakfast table; to be ig- nored at most public func- tions; to be crushed when attempting to be funny; to be deceived when neces- sary, and to be told whet they’re thought of when detected crawling upstairs at two a. m. Husbands may be rid of in two ways —-by death or by divorce. In the one case, a substitute more amena- ble and less obtrusive is provided in the insurance; in the other, there is al- ways the alimony. In the barbarous lands a husband is privileged to beat his wife with a stick. In civilized countries the situation is reversed, the husband being lashed with a tongue. Husbands may be secured by tact, coquetry, the limited encouragement of rivals, the judicious use of face powder, and the employment of not too indiscreet indiscretions. Great care should be taken not to pluck them too young, as, if prematurely selected, they are apt to remain green through life. A GOOD CARRYALL. 1. Hiram—"" Yes, Si, them aeroplane buggies look good to me. ‘Guess I'll buy one.” 2. Hiram—"' This aeroplane buggy can carry an all-fired amount of people. It's worth the price."* comicbooks.com