Judge, 1911-08-19 · page 15 of 24
Judge — August 19, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical commentary on labor and class issues circa early 1900s America. **"The Three Crises"** presents a cynical view of working life: men progress from grinding stones (manual labor) to controlling others' labor to finally realizing they've been grinding their own noses down—suggesting all work exhausts the worker regardless of position. **"What Workingmen Want"** mocks a British writer's claim that workers simply want higher wages. The American author argues this is foolish because American workingmen actually desire what the wealthy have: dividends, rents, and interest income—passive wealth. The satire suggests workers aspire to *not* work, contradicting the notion that wages satisfy them. The small vignettes ("Quite Apparent," "Still Another Version," "Not Yet") are unrelated joke fillers typical of Judge's format. **"Money Makes the Submarine Go"** (bottom illustration) appears to mock submarine technology or military spending, though context is limited. The overall thrust critiques both labor activists' wage demands and middle-class hypocrisy about American aspiration.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Three Crises. HERE are three crises in a man’s life: When he is old enough to be made to turn the grindstone; when he reaches the point where he holds the tools to be sharpened and makes some one else turn the grindstone; and when he begins to realize that, after all, it has ever been a matter of holding his own nose to the grindstone. QUITE A-PARENT. Still Another Version. Waitress (softly) — ‘‘Charity, know, covers a multitude of sins."’ Customer (sharply) —‘‘Yes; and smothered onions cover a tough steak.’” Not Yet, but Soon. Summer hotel clerk—‘‘Sorry, but all our rooms are engaged.’’ Cholly—‘‘ How about the girls?”’ you —~— gow AVOAME ~——~ ! BULL, DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT?” “SURE; TACKLED A TRAMP AND HE HAD A WOODEN LEG.” What Workingmen Want. WRITER in the London Spectator takes a very vigorous grip on the question of ‘‘What Workingmen Want,” gives it a thorough shaking, and reaches the conclusion that ‘‘wages”’ (the higher the better, of course) is the answer. Let us give this writer the benefit of the only possibie doubt by assuming that he speaks exclusively of British work- ingmen. How foolish they may be is not for an American to say. But we refuse to believe that ‘‘wages’’ is the answer to the American working- man’s wants, for the simple reason that American workingmen are human. What all humans over here want is dividends, varied by rents and interest. A man who wants wages (high or low) wants to be aworkingman. A man who wants divi- dends and rents and interest wants some- body else to do the work and get the wages. Workingmen, therefore, would much rather pay wages than get them. What they really want, of course, is a bit of leisure, a bit of learning, of travel, of comfort, of what passes for a happy existence. It is easy to translate dividends, rent, and interest into these things. It is relatively impossible so to translate wages. It may be that some day we will devise a sort of compromise, a@ merger, as it were, of these two classes of payments, so that a man can afford to be both useful and happy. In the meantime, workingmen over here and probably also in England will want as much as any one else, and, unless un- duly hampered by moral predilections, will take what they can safely get. RUTH lies at the bottom of the well —but why roil the water? MONEY MAKES THE SUBMAKINE Uv. comicbooks.com