Judge — August 5, 1911 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CUPID’S Auto Wisdom. T’S a good auto that never stumbles, And a fine chauffeur that never grumbles; It’s good gasoline that leaves no smell— But who's in the car? You never can tell. Hasty Pride. Ts is how a little girl reported the text of the sermon: “Pride goeth before destruction, but a haughty spirit waits till fall.” Dirt abhors a vacuum cleaner. By OLIVER HERFORD and JOHN CECIL CLAY. Cupid's Forecast for August. UPID’S shooting season is at its height. Steady weather. Bright skies and continued prevalence of hot air, A few storms, violent, but of short duration, and ending in sti!! warmer con- ditions, Toward the end of tze month a slightly depressed atmosphere, but the month will end with a sunlit sea and warm waves. The barometer will regis- ter very warm, close weather, and many hearts hitherto unaffected will melt. Look out for moonstroke and heartburn. THE VIRGIN, Come, maidens all, for grace or beauty knowa, Behold your queen in virgin majesty— ‘The Summer Girl who sits on August's throne, And holds her court beside the laughing sea. Cause for Joy. Madge—‘‘Well, the edict has gone forth. Smaller hats are coming in."’ Marjorie—‘‘I'm so glad. Now I'll be able to keep them in my lovely hat box and not have to use the storeroom."’ The Man Wanted. Hewitt—"I not only live within my in- come, but I manage to save a little.’” Jewett—'‘That’s the right way to do. You are the man I've been looking for. Can you lend me five out of your sarplus?”” NOT AN INDUCEMENT. “You are very foolish, Mary, to think of getting married. will raise your wages a dollar a week."” “Huh! a dollar a week? That's a fine argument If you will give up the idea I st marridge to be put up by a lady that 's drawn four hundred dollars a month alimunn: ALMANAC. Shades of the Past. (Apologies to Eagene Field.) THE dinky old horse car is covered with dust, Unused in the barn it stays; Its wheels and its fender are yellow with rust— It dreams of forgotten days. Time was when the old car was shiny and stout, And it carried both smart men and fools; But th-t was the time before folks heard about The electric that went without mules. The faithful old fire horse stands knee deep in dust, Uncalled for he roams all day; His harness is hanging, all covered with rust, Beside the stall near his hay. Time was when the old horse was limber and young, As he galloped his way to a fire; But that was the time before praises were sung Of the auto engine with rubber tire. Estelle May Nelir Wonder What Made Her Do It? «¢ A VERY singular incident happened at the theater last night."’ “Yes? What was it?’’ “A beautiful girl came in wearing a gorgeous gown."” “But what was singular about that?"’ “‘Why, she came in fully fifteen min- utes before it was time for the show to begin.”” Waiting. PON the sandy, wave-swept beach, Alone the maiden stands, Waiting for a summer man To come and ring her hand. HE B’s of Business—Bluff, Bank balances, and Bradstreet's. comicbooks.com