Judge, 1911-07-15 · page 21 of 24
Judge — July 15, 1911 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains **short satirical jokes** on the left (typical of *Judge* magazine's humor section) and a **full-page Schlitz beer advertisement** dominating the right side. The jokes mock everyday situations: a customer worried about his old straw hat being damaged during cleaning; a "dwarf" who's actually five feet tall; a woman so obsessed with germs she sterilizes her family relationships; an umbrella repairman who charges more than the umbrella's worth. The **Schlitz ad** emphasizes product purity through brown bottles that "protect" beer from light decay. It claims superior ingredients (Bohemian hops, deep-well water, wood-pulp filtration, glass-tank aging) won't cause stomach upset—selling the beer as scientifically superior and healthier than competitors. This reflects early 20th-century marketing that positioned beer as a quality, safe product rather than a vice. The bottom promotes *Judge's* July issue at 10 cents—typical newsstand pricing of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
While You Wait. Son of Athens, ere you clean This straw lid of mine, that's seen Seasons two, bear this in mind— It has breasted many a wind. Treat it gently, Greek of Greeks; It is ancient and it leaks, Yet I cherish it, oh, friend— See if that bum braid will mend. Do not curl your lip the while You apply those acids vile; Dear, indeed, it is to me— Treat it not contemptuously. Son of Athens, as you clean This old straw, sans hint of sheen, Damage not my comrade true— For I can’t afford a new. —Denver Republican. The Champion.—Irate visitor—‘‘I this a downright fraud! You adv on your bills, ‘The Most Remarkable Dwarf in the World,’ and he turns out to be five feet fi s high."” Bland : xactly so, sir. arkable about him. He's the tallest dwarf on rec- ord, ’'—Tit-Bits. Three Times and Out.—He—‘‘Is Miss Smith in?”" Maid—*'No; she’s out.’” He—Well, then, call Miss Smythe.” Maid- e's out, too.” He—"1 guess I'll sit by the fire and wait."” Maid—‘‘I'm sorry, but the fire is out ’’—Sphinz. No Wonder.—‘‘She is simply mad on the subject of germs, and ste! lizes or filters everything in the hou: “How does she get along with her fami “Oh, even her relations are strained.”” —Tit-Bits. He Got It.— Lady Yes, I’ve an um- brella that needs mending; but how am 1 to know that you will bring it back?"’ Umbrella mender—‘‘Have no fear, mum. [ allus charges more for mendin’ than I could sell the umbreller for.’’— Red Hen. Transformation Extraordinary.—The re- cent decision of the Inters mmerce Commission, reducing the tariff schedule of sleeping-car accommodations, makes all upper berths lower berths.— Lippin- cott's Magazine. Risky.—Attempting to clip the wings of riches has landed many a man in jail. —Chicago News. Tobacco Habit Banished TOBACCO BOON BANISES at dose. Ono We guaran- Se for oar free booklet giving full information. Elders’ Sauatariam, Dept.t3 St. Joseph, Mo Brown Bottle Light starts decay even in pure beer. Dark glass gives pro- tection against light. The brown bottle protects Schlitz purity from the brewery to your glass. Our barley is selected by one of the partners in Don't Say our business. “Beer! ! We go to Bohemia for hops. Say- The water is brought “ og. from rock 1,400 feet under ground. Not only is Schlitz beer filtered through white wood | pulp, but even the air in which it is cooled is filtered. It is aged for months in glass enameled tanks. It cannot cause biliousness. It will not ferment in your stomach. If you knew what we know about beer, you would say, “Schlitz—Schlitz in Brown Bottles.” Order a case from your dealer today. See that crown or cork is branded “‘Schlitz.’” The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous 10c. Judge’s Library 10c. July Number SOLD BY ALL NEWSDEALERS In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be apprecinted. comicbooks.com