Judge, 1911-07-08 · page 13 of 24
Judge — July 8, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"Hats"** (poem by Carolyn Wells): A humorous critique of women's absurdly oversized, elaborately decorated hats fashionable at the time. The satire mocks how hats resembled everyday objects (peach baskets, bungalows, bird houses) and were trimmed with excessive ornamentation (fruits, flowers, feathers, shells, ribbons). This reflects genuine contemporary concern about the impracticality and expense of women's millinery fashions. **"Modern Jack and Jill"**: A brief comedic tale playing on the nursery rhyme, depicting a romantic rejection ("Jillted") with a visual pun showing a steeplejack (construction worker). **"A Dull Job"**: A children's humor piece where young Tommy must remain at school as "the armistice" while other boys play war games. The joke relies on Tommy's malapropropism—he means "umpire" or referee, not the diplomatic agreement ending conflict. The page reflects Judge's mix of social commentary (fashion critique) with light wordplay and children's humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Hats. By CAROLYN WELLS. HAT are the hats like? me! Everything they ought not to be! Peach baskets, chopping bowls, warming pans, Bungalows, skyscrapers, moving vans, Wood boxes, wash basins, baby’s tubs, Beehives and hencoops and wagon hubs, Bird houses, mouse traps, upturned boats, Aeroplanes and civic floats. All of these things you may daily sce, Worn where the bonnets used to be. Goodness, What are they trimmed with? ask! Answering is no easy task. Feathers that flaunt in the breeze afar, Like the plume of Henry of Navarre; Blossoms and birds by the dozen and score, Beads from the Orient, shells from the shore. Ribbons wherever there may be a place, Sheathings of silk and lashings of lace; Here a brown branch and there a green shoot, All sorts of flowers and all kinds of fruit— Rosy-cheeked apples and big, luscious cherries, Peaches and grapes and all sorts of ber- rie Strange fruits that never before have been known, Freaks Mr. Burbank could never have grown, Hats made straws, Satin and silk and mohair and gauz Hats made of ribbon and velvet and jet, Tinsel and chiffon and mousseline and net, Fur and feathers and ponyskin, Leather and wood pulp and kid and tin! You may of braids and laces and Some may be cheap and some may be dear, But these are the hats they are wearing this year! THE GODDESS OP LIBERTY. Modern Jack and Jill. By GRACE Mc KINSTRY. ACK courted Jill for many a w Until she felt a touch of pique, And cast poor Jack away. The sewing circles of the town Surmised why Jack looked so cast down. “He's Jillted!”” whispered they. A sack not in the WIGHWAYMEN. deck—a steeplejack. A Dull Job. rT WAS a Saturday noon and the schoolteacher passing along the road was surprised to see the ordinarily over- active Tommy sitting disconsolately be- neath a tree in front of the schoolhouse. “Why, Tommy, my boy,’’ he said, pausing on his way, ‘‘what is the mat- ter? Anything gone wrong?’”’ Nope,”’ said Tommy, giving an im- patient wiggle. “‘Where are the rest of the boys?’’ asked the schoolmaster, ‘‘They haven't run away from you, have they?” “Gone home to lunch,’"’ growled Tommy, trying to talk and whistle both at the same time. “Well, why don’t you go home to lunch, too?’’ laughed the teacher. “Can't,” said Tommy. ‘‘You see, Mr. Slimpsey, we're playin’ war, and I’ve got to stay here until the other fel- lers get back. I’m the armistice."” ‘O ONE cares to listen to the hard- luck stories of the one who has failed, but we all 'ike to hear the fail- ures of the man who has succeeded. comicbooks.com