Judge — July 8, 1911 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THR BROOKLYN HANDICAP. MACHINITIS. By CHARLES C. JONES. Y MACHINE ”’— began the meek little lady. “Oh, yes, your ma- chine,’ broke in Mrs. Slapdash hurriedly. “Are you having trouble with it? Now, really, that's too bad! We have a machine that never gives us the slightest cause for worry. Why, Mrs. Mouse- gray, we drove out to Osprey last week —eighty miles and return—and we did not find it necessary to make a sin- gle repair, either on the road or after we reached home. Mr. Gog- glesby—our neighbor, you know— says that it was a truly wonderful performance. But, then, you un- derstand, we have one of the new 1912 model ‘Hurryups.’”’ “‘But my machine’’—began Mrs. Mousegray again. “Yes, yes, I know!’? went on Mrs. Slapdash breezily. ‘You really should have taken expert ad- vice before buying. Of course, you not having lived here very long, I don’t know all of the cir- cumstances; but I am certain that you would have found it to your advantage. When I say expert advice, I do not mean the advice of those horrid, insistent salesmen; they, of course, desire only to ad- vertise the merits of their own machines. But there are plenty of own- er-drivers—like Mr. Slapdash or myself —who would cheerfully have given you the benefit of their experience. “T ought to tell you’’—broke in the meek little lady—‘‘I ought to tell you that when I spoke of my machife I did not mean’’—— “IT know you didn’t mean to say that it is any better than other machines, my dear. I did not suppose that you intended any vulgar boasting. We— Mr. Slapdash and myself—have been through just what you are undergoing now, and I assure you that we would have appreciated a little valuable advice at the right moment. That, of course, explains my interest in your trouble We tried a dozen different makes, and finally chose the 1912 ‘Hurryup’ because it runs easily"’—— “But, Mrs. Slapdash,’ Mrs. Mousegray, ‘‘my machine runs‘as easily as I could wish; and I think you mistake my meaning, because my ma- chine is’’-—— “Now, Mrs. Mousegray, please do not believe that I am trying to belittle your machine. I wouldn't do it for the world! I only thought that perhaps you intended purchasing a new machine, and Mr. Slapdash and I—-I hope you are not offended !"" “Oh, no, not at all Mousegray. ‘*But please let me ex- plain. The shuttle on my machine doesn’t work properly, and I only wanted to ask you if you could tell me where I can get a man to fix it.’’ “The shuttle? The shuttle? What make is your machine?’’ questioned Mrs. Slapdash wonderingly. “That's what I wanted to tell you,’’ replied Mrs. Mousegray. ‘It’s a ball- bearing, lock-stitch Peeler and Pillson sewing machine.’’ interposed deprecated Mrs “Love Me, Love My Dog” E SENDS bon-bons unto his fair, And, lest his plans should sli cog, He also sends a goodly share Of bone-bones for her little dog. A QUERY. Judge—" Why did you steal that monkey-wrench and crowbar?"" Prisoner: * Yer honor, I wuz ‘ busted.’ "" Judge—" What do you think you are—an automobile ?"" comicbooks.com