Judge — June 24, 1911 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

something awful and when the baby had whooping cough my brother practiced on him and you ought to have saw how quick it killed him the baby I mean I always said my brother was hasty and we'd ought have had a regular doctor but the Lord helps them that helps themselves what was you saying?”’ . By this time Mont was gasping and tearing corners from his prospectus in a fine, nervous sweat. He made a mega- phone with his hands and yelled, “‘Madam, do you realize that my time is valuable? If you want to hear about this incomparable treatise on all the ills that human flesh is heir to’’—— “My brother Bill leastwise I mean my husband I get mixed my husband was an heir too when pa died he said Mary that’s me he said Mary I never wanted you to marry Bill Dooberry and I was going to cut him out of my will and give it all to you but if I did he’d get it anyhow so I reckon I’ll just will it all to him and he did a full set of par- lor furniture and two hundred and thirty- four dollars in cash with three per cent. interest into the savings bank which they is wonderful for poor folks like building and loan associations if you ever want to buy a house you go around and get one o’ them books that pays into it eight dollars a month for seven years and then you can buy the house and pay fourteen dollars a month the rest of your life and they won't take it away unless you miss a week the cost of living is awful ain't it I remember when beans was three cents a pound but now it seems like they is precious jewels to be locked up in a safe wait a minute till I run into the kitchen my. meat is burn- ing now you just set right there until I come back and I'll tell you about the time my grandmother fell down a wa- terspout don’t go away please it’s so cheerful to hear you talking this way’’. She rushed kitchenward, and, as she did, the form of Mont Baggs, the best book agent in the business, was seen flying through the open window, carry- ing the curtains with him. He was running like a greyhound and at last ac- counts had the Cannonball Express look- ing like a sick cat hobbled to a tele- graph pole. In the kitchen Mrs. Dooberry, smil- ingly basting a roast, remarked, “If that fellow will only tell his “TO HIM WHO HATH SHALL BE GIVEN.” friends about me, — I reckon I'll have . some peace in this house !’” Impossible. “ HY didn’t W you try still fishing when you couldn’t catch anything troll- ing?” they asked him. “Still fishing !"” he retorted. ‘‘How could I wken I had my wife along?” How Lovely! «¢QHE has a cou- sin who isa professional base- ball player.”” “Is that so?” “Yes; and she’s working a first, second, and third pillow for him."” “Ah, making it easier for him to sleep on bases."" THE ETERNAL QUESTION: Questions come and questions go, Some interest, others bore ; But the one we find on every mind Just now is, ‘* What 's the score ?'* A Great Poet. HE SENT a poem © and O, But no acceptance could be found; So then he wrote his poems [} And they were taken everywhere. OUT-OF-DOORS THEATER Mother Nature + + Manager VAUDEVILLE ! VAUDEVILLE! Glorious!" Gorgeous! Glittering! 1001 BIG SUMMER ACTS 1001 ‘Count “em! —— ‘Count “em 1 During the cotre Summer « Continvows Vaucevile Perform will be given in this theater with constantly chan, Fitgh-clae Acs 4 Vesed Awertment and of Crest ‘Spectacular Beauty | Sitde Scmething New wil be introdued Every D. popular acts, wall BE Retlaed teen Week to Week” 4 Special Attention Sree to Pissing ‘Women and Chikires. Any discourtesy on ‘employes may be reported to poe de po Dye alloy tera listen. - The Opening Bill will contain Acta: THE SUMMER TRIO, August in their laughable Comedy Drama, “IS IT HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU)" JUPITER PLUVIUS, Transformation Artist, in hin Remarkable Act with ‘ Spriakling Can SPIDER AND FLY, Trapeze Artist PICNIC AND EXCURSION, Joymakers Extraordinary inteducing thet, wel-known, song, Moony, "Graning on the Who" Palad Pants Pasa’ Pie” WASP AND SWALLOW, 7 Modelers. JAM, Moor. AND AERO, The Joy Riding Trio, in the Screaming “pIFFT BOOM! DID YOU CET fils NUMBER >" ICE WATER AND SELTZER, Head Balancen. following Werld-renowned HE HAMMOCK, and SHE The Shady Trio, in “* Sweet Nothings."” SIGNOR FLANNEL TROUSERS and MDLLE. HAREM SKIRT, presenting a Terpsichorean Divertissement entitled, “ WHEN THEY'RE ALL MIXED UP TOGETHER YOU CAN'T TELL TOOTHER FROM WHICH.” 4 Change of Bill Weekly, ot toes Whos Notice. Secure seats for any performance three days in advance, comicbooks.com ““WHAT'S THE SCORE?"