Judge, 1911-06-24 · page 15 of 25
Judge — June 24, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two separate satirical stories. **"Beating the Barber"** (left) shows a con artist named Mont Baggs attempting to sell a medical encyclopedia door-to-door by posing as a health department agent. He tries multiple evasions to avoid an appointment with his barber and publishers. **"Mont Baggs's Waterloo"** (right) depicts Baggs's comeuppance when he encounters Mrs. Dooberry, a relentlessly talkative woman who derails his sales pitch entirely. She launches into rambling monologues about her children's measles, her husband's "roomytizm" (rheumatism), medical insurance, her brother's jail time, and iodoform—completely overwhelming Baggs with her verbal onslaught. The satire targets both aggressive door-to-door salesmen (a common complaint in this era) and the stereotype of working-class women as garrulous complainers. The joke is that Baggs, a slick con artist, finally meets his match in an unstoppable talker who prevents him from delivering his rehearsed sales pitch.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
| BEATING THE BARBER. MONT BAGGS'S WATERLOO. By HENRY EDWARD WARNER. ONT BAGGS, the best book agent in the busi- ness, got into Mrs. Dooberry’s parlor by rep- resenting himself as an agent of the health department, and pulled his prospectus. “The Family Physician, madam’’ he said. “It ought to be in the health department of every home. Six hundred and seventy-two pages with nice, big print—six hundred and seventy-two pages of medical advice, compiled from the best thought of the greatest scientific brains in the world, mum, Supposing you have measles in the house, for instance; you just turn to page 342, and here, under ‘M,’ you find’’—— “Oh, I know all about measles!’’ said Mrs. Dooberry en- 1. Mr. Dauber—"* No, thanks. Ihave an appointment with thusiastically. ‘*All my five children had it from Mamie the . my barber and publishers." baby up only Mamie didn’t have it very bad she got it suddint when pa was took down with the roomytizm and if ever they was a blessing on earth was the roomytizm it was a regular angel in disguise heaven helps them that helps themselves and things was very low then and meat was hardly to be bought at any price indeed I don’t know how we ever got through it pa had a sick insurance that he paid fif- teen cents a week into it and got eight dollars a 2. Mr. Honk—"' Ab, climb in. I'll get you there in tire. —— week if he got it and his doctor bill may be which I say was considerate if not kind be- cause are you mar- ried?"’ Mont Baggs gasped and took a new hold. Bp with. Why doo't vu, 7 1a) natural! Now, us eorge a few minutes No, madam, men,” ete. later, going to shave. I am not mar- ried; but this work I am showing’’—— ” “‘Work!’’ said Mrs. Dooberry. ‘Don’t mention work to me! What with running up and down them steps and sweep- ing the house and looking after the children Lord knows I got more work than twenty women could do which I don’t mean to complain but pa was a worker too and I come by it honest he gets as much as thirty dollars a week sometimes when he is regular but he works on night shift and it’s mighty hard * on a woman getting up at midnight to cook breakfast nobody but a woman knows what it means and so’’—— “As I was saying, madam, the doctors”— “Oh, are you a doctor no? my brother William was going to be a doctor only he got in bad company and was caught at it ain’t it awful to be in jail yes indeed it is he was study- ing like everything and coming home nights smelling like iodine leastwise I mean iodoform which is the same thing only spelt different it’s all medicine one’s powder and the other’s in a bottle or maybe one’s in a bottle and the other's powder I never had no mind for medical things the smell was ¢ 4. Mr. Dauber—‘' Much obliged, deah boy, for the refreshing spin and the close shave and hair cut." comicbooks.com