Judge, 1911-06-10 · page 18 of 24
Judge — June 10, 1911 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces: **"Lonesome"** (top): A theatrical joke about a failed traveling production so poorly attended that a boy in the gallery wanted a refund rather than sit alone—mocking theatrical flops. **"Apt Alliteration's Artful Aid"** (center): The main satire mocks a wholesale tailor's marketing slogan "From Loom to Leg." Judge humorously extends this alliterative formula to other professions, creating darkly comic wordplay: a lawyer goes "From Acrimony to Alimony," a doctor "From Herb to Heaven," a burglar "From Swag to Sing-Sing" (prison). The satire critiques both the tailor's gimmicky advertising and various professions themselves through exaggerated, ironic slogans. **"Simple Solution"** (bottom): A brief joke where "Crabshaw" sarcastically suggests solving a water shortage by having the Weather Bureau predict clear weather—absurdist humor about bureaucratic futility. The page exemplifies Judge's blend of theatrical, advertising, and social satire typical of early 20th-century American humor magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LONESOME. “*Say, Marie, how did the show go on the road ?"' “* My dear, an awful frost! Why, in one town a boy in the gallery wanted his money back because he was afraid to stay up there alone."” “APT ALLITERATION'S ARTFUL AID.” WHOLESALE tailor who is desirous of cutting out the middleman announces that he is prepared to deliver trousers ‘‘From Loom to Leg.’’ This strikes the ordinary mind as a mighty fetching phrase, and one, too, that ought to find many imi- tators. For the benefit of any reader whose especial need they may nappen to fit we venture to suggest the following: For a Furrier—From Bear to Back. For a Shoemaker—From Last to Limb. For a Wine Merchant—From Distillery to Dipsomania. For a Dealer in Chicken Soup—From Coop to Cup. For a Coffee Merchant—From Bean to Breakfast. For a Poet—From Parnassus to Print. For a Hatmaker—From Block to Brow. For a Butcher—From Steer to Steak. For a Lawyer—From Acrimony to Alimony. For a Doctor—From Herb to Heaven. Fora Dog Fancier—From Ki-yi to Kennel. For a Clergyman—From Sin to Salvation. For a Policeman—From Jag to Jail. For a Burglar—From Swag to Sing-Sing. For a Dog Catcher—From Pup to Pen. For a Money-lender—From Pocket to Protest. For a Perfumer—From Seed to Sachet. For a Chiropodist—From Corn to Content. There are countless other highly desirable alliterative combinations covering all vocations in life, but JupGe has hardly room to print more than those suggested above. Believing that the fruit of genius belongs to the world and not to the individual, JupGe desires to add that ‘His Honor"’ has not copyrighted the above phrases, preferring to take reward in the gratitude of fellowmen, which, once gained, is a permanent possession, rather than in mere dross. Simple Solution. Crawford—*We are threatened with a water famine."’ Crabshaw—'*Why don’t they get the Weather Bureau to predict fair and clear?” Seasick passenger—"1P 1 CAN ONLY LIVE TO LAY HANDS ON THAT DOCTOR WHO ORDERED AN OCEAN VOYAGE FOR MY HEALTH.” comicbooks.com