Judge — June 3, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNCLE ASHDOD AND THE FISHSCHUTZENFEST. NCE,” Uncle Ashdod, “T hunted bass in a ba: wood, and once I remember I had putty good sport catchin’ sharks with a three -ounce trout rod; but the best sport I ever had was when I was on the Sally Ann with the German carpenter” “How did you happen to take the German carpenter along?"’ asked Sim Perkins. “I didn’t take him; he was there al- ready,’’ said Uncle Ashdod. ‘‘And no- said NOT IN EXTREMIS. Doctor—‘* Now jest stick out yer to soon see how bad ye air." O' Flannigan—" Faith, an’ be yabers, docthor, no tongue can tell how bad I feel."’ body knows the manners of German carp like a German carpenter. So there we lay, becalmed in the middle of the Ger- man ocean, and the weather like a hot cook stove on bakin’ day. So I says the limburger had got to go overboard’’—— “What limburger?’’ asked Sim Per- kins, “Well,” said Uncle Ashdod, ‘*it was an heirloom, and that’s why the German carpenter clung to it so. I reckon it had been in his family thousands of years, and it was strong when it was ie, Mike, and we ‘Il Author of" Pigs te Pig By ELLIS PARKES BUTLER young, and it got stronger every day. It got so strong it was sendin’ out 8 ‘Hans, overboard she’s got to go!’ That's what I says; and I says, ‘One skipper is enough on this ship,’ I says. So he began to beller. “Cap'n Ashdod,’ he says, ‘no one knows how I treasure that there cheese,’ he says; ‘and when the wind comes up and is blowin’ free again,’ he says, ‘we can hang that there cheese over the stern,’ he says, ‘and the Sally Ann can run away from the perfume,’ he says; ‘so please don’t rob me of the only heirloom I have to remember my poor old gross-gross-gross- fatter by.’ So, seein’ how he took on about it, I had that there chunk of limburger did up in oilskin, and sealed in a tin box, and soldered in a cop- per tube, and riveted in a steel jacket. ‘All right, Hans,’ I says; ‘if she don’t explode, we'll keep her.’ So I tied the whole business to the anchor."’ ‘“‘What for?’’ asked Sim Perkins. “So 1 could sink the whole business to the bottom of the German ocean,’’ Uncle Ash- dod explained. ‘And I sunk I sunk her deep, in a considabul number of fath- I got a memorandum at home just how many fath- oms it was, and if you sit still I'll go home and git it.”” ‘Don’t bother,’’ said Sim Perkins. “I'll take your word for it.’? “If you are willin’ to do that,’’ said Uncle Ashdod, ‘‘I’ll admit it was ten thousand fathoms and a leetle mite over. I want to be accurate about this, because you might tell it to some feller, and he might tell it to another feller, and it might git in the papers. So right away the water begun to boil.’” “Cheese het it up, I reckon,’ Sim Perkins scornfully. “No, sir!’’ said Uncle Ashdod. her. oms. said “lt was the friction of the sides of all the fish in the German ocean, hustlin’ to git away from there. It made the water so hot it peeled the paint offen the sides of the Sally Ann, But the next mornin’ there wasn't a fish left in the German ocean, and she cooled down again. So when we seen this big wave comin’ for us from toward Germany’’- “You hain’t mentioned no wave,’ said Sim Perkins. “I’m about to mention it, if I geta chance,’’ said Uncle Ashdod. ‘‘Here she come, like to swamp the ship, and I says, ‘Hemlock splinters! What a heap o’ water!’ But the German carpenter says, ‘Water be dinged! Them ain't water; those is German carp!’ And so they was."’ “What do you think of this here Canada reciprocity business?"’ asked Sim Perkins earnestly. Now, if we let lumber in’’—— “And so they was,’’ continued Uncle Ashdod. **Millions and millions of Ger- Bug (as fan starts) —"* A turrible storn, Bill! Lucky thing fer us this yer cyclone cellar wur so handy !"” comicbooks.com